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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #business ethics, #guilt

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Dilbert: Our products only appeal to people who aren't good at comparison shopping. But I justify it because our existence prevents competitors from raising prices. Am I a bad person? Dogbert: I molt a little bit every time you talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Ruebert the Robot says to Dilbert, "My mate is complete! I will now have eons of marital bliss!" The female robot says, "I don't think so, Gomer. I'm going to shop around . . . Maybe find somebody more enlightened than a can opener." Ruebert says, "It's Ruebert, not Gomer, and I'm the only other robot in existence!" The female robot thinks, "I'm in hell."

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, sometimes I wonder if there's a place in this world for a sensitive rat like me." Ratbert continues, "I can't live the hollow, meaningless shell of existence that others so ironically call 'life.'" Ratbert concludes, "I want to make a difference to people." Bob says, "Well, you ruined MY day."

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Dilbert sits at his desk explaining to Ratbert, "Then, Ratbert, the weight of the universe collapsed in on itself until all of existence could fit into a thimble!" Ratbert asks, "Why would there be a thimble in space?" Dilbert replies, "Uh . . . There wouldn't . . ." Ratbert says, "Boy, it didn't take long to spot the gaping logical flaw in that theory."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "I need to work on something big so I can justify my existence here." Dilbert thinks, "But not something important, because that would draw attention to me at a time of staff cuts." Dilbert thinks, "What can I do that costs a lot but nobody wants?" The Boss walks by thinking, "'Empowerment' sure made them quiet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You have to go, Cat. You have no value to us." "Actually, my mere existence will widen your demographic appeal and makeyou immortal." "Oh...a Cat. That's original." "Give it a rest, 'Mickey'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "We're moving to a new office across town. I volunteered to coordinate the move." Wally continues, "I control your cubicle assignment. Nay, your very existence. From now on you will refer to me as 'Lord Wally the Puppet Master.'" Dilbert says, "I don't think it's legal to enjoy your work this much." Wally waves his hands and says, "I banish you to the cubicle closest to your boss!!"

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Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My status for the week is that the ongoing dehumanization from my job has caused me to doubt my existence." As he waves his hands in front of Wally's face Dilbert continues, "There is reason to believe I am becoming invisible." The Boss asks Wally, "Do I hear your pager buzzing, Wally?" Wally replies, "I doubt it; I don't keep batteries in it." Dilbert disappears with a "plink."