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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #office equipment, #swine, #information services, #upgraded network secuirty, #facila recognition, #temporary passwrod, #face, #extensive plastic surgery, #to log on

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Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #punching people, #high rates, #ridiculous combpver, #punch face in, #regain element, #surprise, #therapy session, #couch, #expressing

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Alice: I can't stop punching people who deserve to be punched. For example, your high rates and ridiculous combover make me want to punch your face in. Therapist: But you won't right? Alice: Lets see what happens when I regain the element of surprise.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dieting & weight control, #interviews, #tattoos & body marking, #job interview, #face tattoo, #overeating, #bad idea, #people can see, #dont interview well

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Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #sympathy, #in need of sympathy, #so sorry, #face injured, #being thorough

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Dilbert says, "I need some sympathy." Dogbert says, "I'm so sorry your face looks like that." Dilbert says, "My face isn't injured." Dogbert says, "Well, excuse me for being thorough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #slug, #success, #energy, #fast, #fat, #stick paper, #slimy, #face

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Dilbert says, "My success depends on your doing your role in a timely and energetic manner." Dilbert says, "People say you're a big, fat slug, but I have confidence in you. I'll stick this to your slimy face and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #collect money, #ted, #birthday, #insult, #pinch face, #lemon, #ferret, #disgusting, #racist jokes, #embezzle, #date, #awkward, #dollar

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Tina says, "I'm collecting money for Ted's birthday." Alice says, "Pass. I can't stand that idiot." Alice says, "His face looks like a ferret eating a lemon." Alice says, "He makes my skin crawl." Alice says, "He tells racist jokes, and I think he's embezzling." Tina says, "I've been dating him for a month." Alice says, "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't worth a dollar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #checked box, #drink more, #face lift, #long neck, #see over cubicles, #too high, #disproportinate

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"Then I found out there are two kinds of face-lifts." "I accidentally checked the box for the kind that lets you see over the top of your cubicle." "So I try to drink more, but that isn't working out either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #face, #hate goatees, #powers of extreme, #uncoolness, #another goatee

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Dilbert: "What's wrong with your face?" Wally: "It's a goatee. I hate goatees, so I am using my powers of extreme uncoolness to make them go away." Dilbert: "That could work." man: "GAAA!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #surveillance, #government databases, #rest passwords, #case file, #face on pennies

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Wally: I thought you were on the run for hacking the government's databases. Dilbert: I was. But they forgot to reset their passwords, so I deleted my case file and gave myself a tax break. Wally: Did you get me anything? Dilbert: You're the new face on pennies.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #morning, #morning people, #sleepiness, #sleepy, #waking up, #prodcutive, #early, #brushed teeth, #face cream, #confused

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Alice: I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I can be more productive. I've been getting up at 4:30 every day, and so far, so good. Dilbert: So... no problems at all? Alice: Nothing huge. I've brushed my teeth with face cream a few times.