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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hot peppers, #competition, #burned, #unedible, #face burned, #fire, #group, #face burn, #head, #flame

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Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #office equipment, #swine, #information services, #upgraded network secuirty, #facila recognition, #temporary passwrod, #face, #extensive plastic surgery, #to log on

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Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 1991's comic on:


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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Do you know the difference between an electric razor and a toaster?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "No??? Geez, it must take you a long time to shave. Do you burn your face a lot?" Dilbert says, "I thought you were telling a joke." Dogbert asks, "How long have you had this problem?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #conquer the world, #secret handshake, #identify people, #new ruling class, #stick out tongue, #vinously slp, #face, #slap

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Dogbert sits on the couch backrest and Ratbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "When I conquer the world I'll have a secret handshake to identify the people who will be part of my new ruling class." Dogbert says, "Cross your eyes and stick out your tongue. Good, now vigorously slap your face." As Ratbert slaps himself, Dogbert says, "The people who aren't doing that will be identified as my new ruling class."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new corporate trainer, #teach classes, #stress reduction, #teamwork, #burn in hell, #filthy weasel, #hired you, #subject matter expert

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Someone behind a desk tells Ratbert, "I'm looking for a new corporate trainer to help me teach classes in stress reduction, conflict resolution, and teamwork." Ratbert yells, "I'll burn in hell before I'll do your work plus my own, you filthy weasel!!!" Dilbert asks, "And they hired you?" Ratbert replies, "A good trainer doesn't have to be a subject matter expert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #perfromance review, #napping, #key board face, #qwertytis, #working hard

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Wish me luck. I'm off to get my performance review." Dilbert says, "Have you been napping? You've got a bad case of keyboard face." Wally has several indentations on his cheek. The Boss asks Wally, "What's wrong with your face?" Wally replies, "I have Qwertytis. It's from working too hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boss, #doesn't know, #being insulted, #with all due respect, #intangible benefits, #insulting, #monkey face

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Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "I discoverd that our pointy-haired boss doesn't know he's being insulted if you say, 'With all due respect' first." Wally thinks, "I love the intangible benefits of this job." The Boss is leaving his office. Wally says to him, "With all due respect, is that your face or is a monkey climbing down your shirt headfirst?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #personal life, #engineering project, #mission, #find girlfreind, #feasible alternatives, #calculate attractiveness, #buying power, #attractive baboon, #face transplant

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Dilbert: "Maybe I should approach my personal life as if it were an engineering project." Dogbert: "What is the mission of this project?" Dilbert: "Find a girlfriend!" Dogbert: "Good. Now consider the feasible alternatives." Dilbert: "Define 'feasible'." Dogbert: "Never mind, let's move on." Dogbert: "Now let's calculate your attractiveness ratio so we can narrow the field of girlfriend options." Dogbert: "Let's see...your buying power narrows the choices to a woman who just got a face transplant from a baboon." Dilbert: "Maybe it was an attractive baboon. I should call her." Dogbert: "Somewhere between desire and engineering lies stupidity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #%#*!!*, #anger, #burning walls eyebrow, #curse, #demonstrate power, #eyebrows burn off, #scream

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Ann sits in a metting with Wally and Dilbert. Ann says, "If you anger me, I will curse at you until your eyebrows burn off." Ann says, "I ll demonstrate my power by burning Wally's left eyebrow." Wally's mouth drops in shock. Ann curses loudly. Wally and Dilbert look at Wally's lap. Wally says, "Ow! Ow! That's not an eyebrow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #face time, #promotion paper work, #send photos, #vp

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit outside. Dogbert says, "If you want to get promoted, you need lots of "face time" with your V.P." Dogbert says, "I recommend sending photos of yourself every week." A male boss sits at his desk holding photographs. The boss says, "More photos... he must be a relative." The secretary says, "I'll start the promotion paperwork."