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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #fester, #hatred, #pale doughy body, #tree of knowledge, #falls on head, #die ironically

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Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #technology, #paul tergeist, #computer, #shoots up, #falls on head, #Dilbert, #coworker, #monitor head

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Paul Tergeist is sitting with Dilbert in front of the computer at Dilbert's cubicle. Paul says: "This technology will work or my name isn't Paul Tergeist." Suddently, the monitor rockets into the air. The two watch it with stupefaction as it ascends. The monitor lands on Dilbert's head. Paul says: "I wish I had a nickel for every time that happened to a co-worker." Dilbert simply says: "Ow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #director, #ceiling collapsed, #complained, #steel beam, #hit head, #happen in home, #losing consciousness, #suicide note, #doubting story, #questioning reality

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Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #accomodate cup, #coffe cup, #head flattened, #job interview, #monkey, #surgically flattened, #starbucks, #barista

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wally: Tell me why I should hire you as my service monkey, Carl. Carl: I worked as a starbucks barista for eight years and my head has been surgically flattened to stabilize your coffee cup. Dilbert: Impressive. Wally: This is nothing, You should see how well he interviews,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1995's comic on:


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The caption, an entry from Dilbert's daily log, reads, "Day three of telecommuting: I spend the morning throwing my pen in the air." Dilbert sits at his desk at home dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He tosses a pen into the air. The pen falls and hits Dilbert in the head, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the chair. The caption reads, "The afternoon is spent in silent appreciation of how much better this is than being in the office." Dilbert lies on the floor with his feet on the desk chair and thinks, "Ahh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1995's comic on:


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A woman walks by Wally's cubicle and thinks, "I wonder if I'm wearing enough fragrance." Clouds of odor surround her body. Inside his cubicle, Wally whips his head around to look at her. Wally is overcome by the odor and falls over in his chair screaming, "AIEEEEE!!" As she leaves a trail of unconscious employees behind her, the woman thinks, "I'd better increase the dosage until I hear some compliments."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1990's comic on:


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Dilbert stands in the express line at the supermarket. The cashier says to the old woman in front of Dilbert, "This looks like a lot more than ten items, ma'am." The woman replies, "It doesn't matter. I'm old and you must do as I say." The woman continues, "I have some coupons for totally unrelated products and a fourth-party personal check from North Yemen." The woman reaches into her purse and says, "They're hopelessly lost in my bag. I'll rummage while you all wait." As she rummages, her head disappears into the bag. She says, "What the . . ." The store clerk watches as the woman screams and falls into the pocketbook. The clerk tells Dilbert, "Wild coyotes in the handbag . . . I've seen this before." A dog barks and burps inside the bag.