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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #angels dance in head, #fault, #huge number, #jeopardizing, #prototype, #quality assurance, #schedule, #tree falls forest

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The Boss says to Ratbert, "In the short time you've worked in quality assurance, you've found a huge number of flaws in our prototype." Ratbert replies, "That's my job!" The Boss continues, "You're jeopardizing our schedule. The entire project will fail and it's all YOUR fault." Ratbert asks, "Why is it MY fault?" The Boss replies, "If a tree falls in the forest . . . And we've already sold the tree . . . Does it have quality?" Ratbert asks, "How many angels can dance on your head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #fester, #hatred, #pale doughy body, #tree of knowledge, #falls on head, #die ironically

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Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #technology, #paul tergeist, #computer, #shoots up, #falls on head, #Dilbert, #coworker, #monitor head

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Paul Tergeist is sitting with Dilbert in front of the computer at Dilbert's cubicle. Paul says: "This technology will work or my name isn't Paul Tergeist." Suddently, the monitor rockets into the air. The two watch it with stupefaction as it ascends. The monitor lands on Dilbert's head. Paul says: "I wish I had a nickel for every time that happened to a co-worker." Dilbert simply says: "Ow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #director, #ceiling collapsed, #complained, #steel beam, #hit head, #happen in home, #losing consciousness, #suicide note, #doubting story, #questioning reality

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Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #accomodate cup, #coffe cup, #head flattened, #job interview, #monkey, #surgically flattened, #starbucks, #barista, #animals

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wally: Tell me why I should hire you as my service monkey, Carl. Carl: I worked as a starbucks barista for eight years and my head has been surgically flattened to stabilize your coffee cup. Dilbert: Impressive. Wally: This is nothing, You should see how well he interviews,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1989's comic on:


Tags #care, #people, #think, #head, #shaped, #torpedo, #wright brothers

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "You shouldn't care so much about what other people think of your work." Dogbert continues, "I mean, everybody scoffed at the Wright Brothers. Galileo was jailed. Columbus was ridiculed." Dogbert continues, "'Course, none of those guys had a head shaped like a torpedo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #singing, #instruments, #crowd, #bite, #head, #somebody, #front, #row, #ozzy, #osbourne

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Bob the Dinosaur, Dawn the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the floor. Bob says, "We'll kick off the dinosaur comeback tour by singing 'My Way.'" Bob continues, "Then we'll break the instruments, wade into the crowd and bite the head off somebody in the front row!" Dogbert replies, "'Ozzy Osbourne' already did that."