Search Results for "fix problem"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #close friends, #facebook, #fix problem, #friends, #liked, #posts, #seven friends, #therapy, #shrink, #popularity, #social media

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Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2009's comic on:


Tags #problem, #ignorance, #hiding, #budget

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Dilbert says, "Customers can't figure out our user interface. the boss says, "They should read the manual." Dilbert says, "Our manual is more confusing than our user interface." The boss says, "They can use our onine support database." Dilbert says, "That's more confusing than our manual." The boss says, "We have no money to fix any of that." The boss says, "In situations like this, I like to go to my special place" The boss says, "Someday I hope to have a special place big enough for my entire body." the boss says, "Problem solved."

Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else

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Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #problem, #problems, #snag, #prodcuts, #accept failure, #lie, #transfer problem, #father, #old sayings

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Dilbert:I'm hitting a snag with this RFP because our products don't do what they need. Should I give up and accept failure or lie about our features and transfer the problem to them? Boss: My daddy used to say it isn't a problem if you can give it to someone else. Dilbert: Then he drove you to school?

Wally Sees The Problem

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Wally Sees The Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #problem, #expectations

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Coworker: You said you would have that done for me by today! Wally: Okay, I think I know what the problem is here. Coworker: You? Wally: That, plus your expectations.

Wally Has A Car Problem

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Wally Has A Car Problem  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blame, #excuse, #laziness, #problems, #starbucks, #car problem

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Wally: Sorry I'm late. I had a car problem. Boss: What kind of car problem? Wally: I didn't get in it soon enough. Boss: That sounds like a "you" problem. Wally: Then my stupid car took me to Starbucks.

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #office workers, #solving problem, #stadardization policies, #high five

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Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #despair, #recessions, #unemployment, #fix your lips, #job satisfaction, #all time low

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Catbert: Oh no! Employee job satisfaction is at an all-time low at the same time unemployment is high! Boss: Ha ha! Good one. Now it's my turn to try saying it as if I care! Oh no! Catbert: Ha ha! Fix your lips!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #email, #objecting, #hallucination of plan, #defensive, #narrowed problem

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Man: Did you see my email objecting to your plan? Dilbert: No, but I saw your email objecting to what I assume is your hallucination of my plan. Man: You seem defensive. Dilbert: Have we narrowed down the problem to me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #electronic mail, #answer email, #signal to noise, #technical problem

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Boss: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I tried to read it but the signal-to-noise ratio was too low. Boss: So it's sort of a technical problem? Dilbert: Okay.