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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cloud of doom, #dangerous and sexy, #lighting strikes, #woman, #flirting with dilbert

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Dilbert stands in a crowd of people at a party. The cloud of doom floats above his head. A woman says, "I notice you have a cloud of doom. I must admit it makes you seem dangerous and sexy." A bolt of lightning from the cloud strikes the woman. Dilbert says, "Sorry. That happens to everyone who gets near me." The woman replies, "No problem. I'm one of those women who never learn." Smoke rises from the woman and her clothes are charred.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #design interface, #got out, #hired professional, #international terrorist, #last week, #went to yale, #new employee, #talks with dilbert

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I hired a professional to help us design our product interface." The Boss continues, "His last job was as an international terrorist. It's not a perfect fit but he went to Yale." Dilbert sits at a table and says to the man sitting with him, "So, I hear you went to Yale, Sven." Sven answers, "I yust got out last week."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #cashier, #phoney, #customer service smile, #required, #looks like flirting, #Wally

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A smiling female employee, handing Dilbert change, says, "Thank you. Have a nice day." Dilbert thinks, "She's flirting with me." Dilbert says to the woman, "Um... Would you like to go out on Saturday?" The woman, still smiling, says, "I wasn't flirting. This is my phony customer service smile." The woman says to Dilbert, "Employees are required to smile." Dilbert asks the woman, "Okay. But now you're flirting, aren't you?" The woman answers, "No, still phony." Walking away, Dilbert thinks, "Wally has to see this." Wally and Dilbert stand looking at the smiling woman. Wally says, "Hey, it looks like she's flirting with me!" Dilbert says, "Is this great or what?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #network, #optics, #stupid company, #Women, #imagination, #flirting, #miscommunication, #co workers, #argument, #women in management, #employees

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Carol: do you have lunch plans? Dilbert: Aren't you married? Carol: Im not asking you out on a date, Im trying to network. Dilbert: The optics wouldn't be good. Carol: How am I supposed to network in this stupid company? Dilbert: Maybe you could network with other women. Carol: This company has no women in management! Now I see the problem. Its people like you! Dilbert: Is it my imagination or was she flirting with me? Wally: I can't tell.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #technology, #paul tergeist, #computer, #shoots up, #falls on head, #Dilbert, #coworker, #monitor head

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Paul Tergeist is sitting with Dilbert in front of the computer at Dilbert's cubicle. Paul says: "This technology will work or my name isn't Paul Tergeist." Suddently, the monitor rockets into the air. The two watch it with stupefaction as it ascends. The monitor lands on Dilbert's head. Paul says: "I wish I had a nickel for every time that happened to a co-worker." Dilbert simply says: "Ow."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 1991's comic on:


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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters his cubicle and asks, "May I borrow your pen for a minute?" Dilbert says to his pen, "Farewell, little friend. You have always been true. May the wind be at your back. I . . . I . . . Love you . . ." Wally hands the pen back to Dilbert and says, "Uh . . . Could I borrow one which you've had less of a personal relationship with?" Dilbert asks, "How about Brenda?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 1994's comic on:


Tags #organ donor, #reorganizations, #unwanted employees, #what job

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Wally: Sometimes I think these constant reorganizations are just excuses for getting rid of unwanted employees. Wally: what job did you end up with? Dilbert: Organ donor Wally: My shoulder is acting up. Do I talk to you or is there a form to fill out? Dilbert: I don't think thats an "Organ"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #3d rendering, #career, #computing needs, #finance dept

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Ratbert is seated at a table with Dilbert. Ratbert says, "The finance department has analyzed your computing needs and decided to give you a 286 PC." Ratbert continues, "That should be sufficient for the 3D-rendering you need to do." Ratbert continues, "Besides, how many times are you going to do 3D-rendering in your career?" Dilbert responds, "Once, if I hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #teds baby shower, #stapler, #paper bag dress, #cubicle this morning, #stapler on desk, #disappeared from desk

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Ted is at his baby shower with Dilbert, Alice and Wally. He has just opened a present and says, "Oh look, it's a stapler . . ." Ted continues, "I can use this to take up the hem on the lovely handcrafted paper bag dress that Dilbert made." Looking at the stapler, Ted comments, "It looks just like the one that disappeared from my cubicle this morning." Wally says, "Except yours had staples."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #missing years, #at mall, #dad at mall, #looking for him, #24/7, #waiting for sale, #whiner

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Liz is having tea with Dilbert and his mother. Liz says, "I can't believe your father has been lost at the mall since 1992!" Liz continues, "If my father or my husband were lost at the mall I'd be searching for him twenty-four hours a day!!" Dilbert comments, "We're waiting for a sale." His mother says, "You're a bit of a whiner, aren't you, dear?"