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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #editors, #document, #bad edits, #wrong religion, #fool

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Coworker: I made some edits to your document. Dilbert: These edits are so bad that my only choices are to send it out and make a fool of myself or insult your alleged intelligence. Coworker: Please let it be the first choice. Dilbert: I hope you didn't pick the wrong religion too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #trying to please, #fool, #better please, #crush you, #selfish dogbert, #justa thought, #others, #threatened

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Dilbert: "I can't live my life trying to please others." Dogbert: "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'" Dilbert: "It was just a thought." Dogbert: "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #critical system, #all the power, #essential upgardes, #simple fool, #next emplyee, #vendor issues, #compatibility

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Dogbert stands on a desk and says to Wally, "It's funny - before your company bought that critical system from me, YOU had all the power . . ." Dogbert yells, "But now, only I can provide essential upgrades!! I call the shots, you simple fool!!" Dogbert says, "Send in the next employee." Outside the cubicle Dilbert and another employee are standing in line holding numbers. The man says, "At least we don't have any multi-vendor compatibility issues."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #inexplicable, #low cost, #system, #underpowered, #replace, #another vendors, #upgrade fees, #big a fool, #lease option

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The Boss and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "It's inexplicable, but the low-cost system I sold you seems to be woefully under-powered." Dogbert continues, "You could replace it with another vendor's system, thus showing everybody you make a mistake. Or you can pay my outrageous upgrade fees." The Boss asks, "How big a fool do you think I am?" Dogbert replies, "I won't know until I see if you go for the lease option."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 1998's comic on:


Tags #gullible fool, #sens anonymous letter, #curse of dogbert, #future senders, #chain letters, #wally flinch

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Swami Doghbert is at the staff meeting with Dilbert, The Boss and Wally. He wears a turban wth a cresent moon on it and says, "I've been hired to find the gullible fool who continues to send anonymous chain letters to everyone." Dogbert waves his hands in the air and says, "I place the Curse of Dogbert on all past and future senders of chain letters." The Boss looks like Dogbert (dog ears and dog nose) and says, "I think I saw Wally flinch." Dogbert and Dilbert stare at him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #pecking order, #fool, #stupid, #Dilbert, #coffee cup

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The Boss stands in front of his manager's desk. The manager yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" The Boss approaches Dilbert and yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" Dilbert picks up his coffee mug and yells, "You stupid coffee mug!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #on payroll, #fool proof dna, #identifying losers, #dna doesn't match, #too many losers

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert: Your problem is that you have too many losers on the payroll. Luckily I have developed a fool-proof DNA test for identifying losers. Well, I'm afraid your DNA doesn't match mine, loser.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #rich people, #thinking, #fool proof, #plan for success, #think about shoes, #easy tasks

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Asok: I have a fool-proof plan for success. I will read a book on how rich people think. Then I will start thinking this way. Book: Rich people think about their shoes a log. Asok: I can do that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert walks down a hallway thinking, "Uh oh . . . Double doors. One side is always locked and I make a fool of myself trying to open it." Dilbert thinks, "Which side is it? Left? Right? People are watching. Think, think . . ." Dilbert arrives at home looking dirty and disheveled. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That's when I noticed that the ventilation ducts were big enough for a human to crawl through." Dogbert says, "Too bad they didn't lead to outside."