Search Results for "fortune"
Share February 14, 2011's comic on:
CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.
Share January 13, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert: I call it 'Dogbert's Reincarnation Investment Fund'. You give me your money now and I invest it until you reincarnate. The compound interest will make you rich. Dilbert: What if I come back as a cow? Dogbert: You'll save a fortune in milk.
Share September 23, 1995's comic on:
The Boss approaches Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "I found software that helps managers write performance evaluations!" Dilbert and Wally both say, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "It's made by the same company that makes fortune cookies for Canada!" Wally says, "That makes me feel better." The caption says, "Next Day." The Boss offers Wally and Dilbert small strips of paper. Dilbert says, "I didn't think you knew how to use a PC." The Boss replies, "My secretary wrote these." Wally reads a strip aloud, "Don't by a new car."
Share June 26, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "What exactly is the Dogbert Day Care concept?" Dogbert answers, "Progressive companies can provide day care without spending a bundle." The Boss reads Dogbert's plan and asks, "Wouldn't we spend a fortune on duct tape?" Dogbert replies, "It's reusable unless it gets slobbered on."
Share July 21, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert passes out paper to The Boss and Wally. The boss has a pencil and Wally has a coffee mug. Dilbert says, "Here's the agenda. The first hour will be U.B.R., as usual." The Boss sits at the conference table with Wally and Alice. He says, "This reminds me of my first job, before crash test dummies were popular. man, I spent a fortune on aspirin." Alice asks Dilbert, who has his feet up on the table, "What exactly is U.B.R.?" Dilbert answers, 'Unfocused Boss Rambling. Only 58 minutes to go."
Share August 26, 1998's comic on:
The boss and Dlbert sit at the Boss' desk, The Boss says, "Your performance was excellent, but there's no bonus this year." Dilbert says,"Why not?" The Boss says, "The company lost a fortune in the Elbonian currency collapse." The Boss says, "But in a way, it's your own fault for working here." Dilbert says,"Thanks. That takes the sting out."
Share March 30, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert installs a panel on the wall. He tells Dogbert, "This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it." Dilbert says, "I put a camera in every room to deter any criminal activity." Dilbert says, "We may now go to the park knowing our fortress is protected." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. A man walks by carrying a lamp. The man walks by carrying a couch. The man walks by carrying the cameras. He thinks, "I can't wait to show my kids what I do at work." Dilbert says, "I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen." Dilbert says, "And that is having some of it returned." The thief walks by with the couch. He says, "This thing is hideous in good light."
Share September 30, 2000's comic on:
Wally approaches the Boss sitting at his desk reading the paper. Wally says, "My stock options are worth a fortune now, you miserable bag of crud!" The Boss types something in his computer and says, "Oh, look, they're back down to worthless." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Try telling him that bags of crud are highly valued in some societies." Wally says, "Shut up."
Share March 19, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert tells a salesman: "We found a dozen bugs in the software you sold us." The salesman answers: "We can fix these bugs for $20,000. Dilbert is shocked: "What?" Dilber says: "You can't charge us to fix you own defective product!" The salesman laughs boisterously. He explains: "Sorry...I was overcome by an evil euphoria." Dilbert says: "I guess we have to pay. We have no choice!" Reaching for his cell-phone, the salesman says: "Excuse me." The salesman speaks into his cell-phone: "Put more bugs in the software! I'm making a fortune out here!" Dilbert thinks: "I'm starting to question our single source strategy."
Share July 17, 2002's comic on:
Alice says to The Boss, "You made a fortune selling your stock options last month and now we're bankrupt." Alice continues, "My 401l is worthless. So, in effect, you've stolen my life savings." Alice yells, "This would be a bad time to make quote marks in the air while saying, 'in effect.'" The Boss has his hands raised to make quote marks. He stops and says, "Ooh."