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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1989's comic on:


Tags #boring, #friend, #imagination

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid." Dilbert continues, "But he told me I was boring and he ran away." Dogbert says, "There are times when no snide comment seems adequate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #scope, #calibrated, #budget, #save money, #friend, #elrod, #shady, #tinker, #bad idea, #car, #bathrub, #drink

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Dilbert says, "Our scope needs to be calibrated. Do we have a budget for that?" The Boss says, "We can save a few bucks by sending it to my friend, Elrod. He likes to tinker." Dilbert says, "Everything about that idea is bad." The Boss says, "You should see the car he made from a bathtub."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #friend matrix, #coworker, #sit at computer, #computer expert, #frisky friend, #low standards

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Coworker says, "I'm updating my friend resource matrix and I have a few gaps." Coworker says, "I already have a friend with a truck, a friend who gives me free tickets, and a friend with tools." Coworker says, "I've got openings for a computer expert friend and a frisky friend with low standards." Dilbert says, "I'll try the computer one."

Boss Can't Be Your Friend

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Boss Can't Be Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #boss, #double standard, #employee, #hierarchy, #lunch, #rank, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.

Recommening A Friend

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Recommening A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bribe, #employee, #hiring, #money, #referral, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #secretaries (office), #internet & world wide web

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The Boss says, "Why did you reject my friend request on Facebook?" Carol says, "I'm not your friend. I'm a disgruntled wage slave who hopes you die in a freak industrial accident tomorrow at 3PM." The Boss says, "That's disturbingly specific." Carol says, "Hey, look. You have a meeting at the warehouse tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cost & standard of living, #air travel, #friendship

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Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #gadgets, #friendship

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Dilbert: I invented a shoulder holder for my phone. I felt bad keeping my best friend in my pocket. Jealousy in not attractive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets

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Tina: Those must be the Google glasses that give you information about your environment. Dilbert: Yes, and I see seventeen reasons to not be your friend. I'll sweep your dumb tweets off to the side. Tina: This is unsettling.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert and Dogbert, who is wearing a hat, walk into Scaparotti's Restaurant. There is a sign in the window that says, "No pets." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Just try to act human." Dilbert says to the waiter, "Two ravioli supremes and garlic bread." Dogbert adds, "And a cat . . ." Dilbert says, "That's 'catsup,' my friend would like some CATSUP." Dogbert says, "Maybe something Siamese."