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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #own company, #Dogbert, #trim middle management, #fire anyone, #fyi on documents, #fyi files in barrel

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of Dogbert who is sitting at a desk. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Now that you own the company, what do you plan to do?" Dogbert answers, "Trim middle management." Dogbert continues, "I'll fire anybody who gives me a document marked 'FYI.' Those people have too much time on their hands." A manager carrying a wheelbarrow full of documents marked "FYI" asks Dilbert and Wally, "Are you sure this will set me apart from the other managers?" Wally replies, "You'll be surprised how quickly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #laptop in case, #anything lighter, #delete files, #technically

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The Boss carries a laptop in a case. He says to Wally, "This laptop computer weighs too much. Do we have anything lighter?" Wally asks, "Why don't you just delete files to lower the weight on that one?" As he works on the laptop the Boss says, "That's a thought." Wally says, "Technically, I only asked why not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bad mouthing, #last guy, #slimy, #brain, #files, #fleas skull, #alice, #Wally

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Alice says, "I'd like to kick-off the project with the traditional bad-mouthing of the guy who worked on this before." Alice yells, "He's so slimy that slugs pour salt on HIM. His brain would rattle in a flea's skull!" Alice turns to Wally and says, "Oh, and I'll need your files." Wally answers angrily, "Fleas don't have 'skulls!!'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #proposed work, #plan, #stress test, #product, #network conditions, #accomplish, #downloading, #large image files, #servers, #on net, #naughty pictures

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions." Wally continues, "I will accomplish this by downloading large image files from the busiest servers on the net." As Wally and Dilbert walk away from the meeting, Wally comments, "I was THIS close to making it my job to download naughty pictures." Dilbert says, "It's just as well; I would have had to kill you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1998's comic on:


Tags #12 page response, #email, #decisons, #read reaction, #fyi

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Alice, Dilbert and Ted sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Alice, thank you for your twelve-page response to my e-mail last week." Alice smiles. Ted says, "But I was only sending it to you as an "FYI". Those decisions are already made." Alice's eyes widen. Alice grimaces, hands clench into fists of death. Ted says, "If I read your reaction right, you're wondering why I didn't say FYI on my e-mail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #simple molecules, #powerful chemicals, #simple cells, #powerful life forms, #powerful comouters, #less capable components, #supreme being, #future, #god consciousness, #files, #web browser, #fly

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dogbert says, "Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals . . ." Dogbert continues, "Simple cells combine to make powerful lifeforms." Dogbert continues, "Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers." Dogbert continues, "Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert continues, "Therefore, a supreme being must be our FUTURE, not our origin!" Dogbert says, "What if 'God' is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!" Dilbert says, "That would certainly limit the types of files I download. I wonder what it would do to response times." Dogbert says, "It's so nice to spend time alone with my thoughts." Dilbert says, "My web browser would FLY!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2000's comic on:


Tags #where he hid files, #disgruntled, #porcelain patty, #job resigned

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Asok the Intern is at the Boss's office. The Boss is sitting behind his desk. He tells Asok: "Ted resigned. Your job is to find out where he hid his files." He continues: "Our only clue is that he was disgruntled." Asok is in the bathroom. He jots down in his notepad: "Negatory on porcelain patty."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2000's comic on:


Tags #files, #hid files, #skeleton, #babe, #home wrecker

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Asok peers into a closet with lots of janitorial supplies and in the middle of which is a tall stack of files. He thinks: "I have found where Ted hid his files before he quit." Inside the closet he also finds a skeleton. He thinks: "A skeleton! I know what I must do." Asok is in his cubicle. He has placed the skeleton, who is now wearing the threads of a mop as a hairpeice, in a chair next to him. Asok is busy with his computer. Wally asks Asok: "Who's the babe?" Asok warns Wally: "Stay away homewrecker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2000's comic on:


Tags #company concierge, #alibi, #lye, #a barrel, #police, #break you

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An employee says to Ratbert the Concierge, "I need an alibi." The employee continues, "The police will try to beat the truth out of you, but don't let them break you!" The employee goes on, "I also need lye...and a barrel...better yet, make that two barrels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #more email, #storage space, #all files, #complain, #ignore requests, #your only choices, #please veryone

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Dilbert says to a co-worker, "I asked for more e-mail storage space and you deleted all of my files!" The co-worker says to Dilbert, "You complain when I ignore your requests and you complain when I delete your files." Dilbert cries, "Those aren't your only choices!!" The co-worker says, "I can't please everyone."