Search Results for "government contract"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business ethics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This class will make me more efficient. Boss: I don't want you to be more efficient. You're working on a government contract and billing by the hour. Now go bill them for the time you stood here and stared at me like a stuffed deer.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #rules, #ridiculous, #nervous, #shaking, #worried, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We won a huge government contract." The boss says, "Now we need to follow all of our company policies plus every government procurement rule." Dilbert says, "I feel like I'm being smothered by a damp mattress!" The boss says, "That's what victory feels like!"

Drones Attack Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Drones Attack Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #engineers, #drone, #drones, #government contract, #contractor, #retaliation

View Transcript

Transcript

G-Man 1: Oh-oh. The fugitive hacker Dilbert rolled down a hill and found a cell signal. G-Man 2: Relax. What can one engineer with a phone do against a superpower with armed drones? G-Man 1: Who do you think makes our drones???!!!

Marriage Is A Financial Contract

Thank you for voting.
Marriage Is A Financial Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #contract, #contracts, #dating, #marriage, #money, #romance, #serious realtionship, #marraige, #financial contract, #vendor, #spouce

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?

Government Wants To Kill Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Government Wants To Kill Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #cyber attack, #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #spying, #surveillance, #privacy, #hiding, #hiding out

View Transcript

Transcript

G-Man: The app you wrote in your spare time stopped the worst cyber attack our nation has seen. The president has authorized me to kill you and steal the app so no other country can get it. Dilbert: The government will never find me! G-Man: We chipped you during your colonoscopy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #elbonian contract, #night work, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I want you to manage our Elbonian contract programmers. You'll need to work at night because of the time difference. Wally: People who work at night have more heart attacks. Are you trying to kill me? Boss: Yes, and it's totally legal. Wally: Well played.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #report, #oil rigs, #explode, #medicine, #bacteria, #pharmaceuticals, #government, #share holder, #success, #lie

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I'm happy to report that none of our oil rigs exploded." The Boss says, "Our children's pharmaceuticals are not tainted with bacteria, and the government is not investigating our financial practices." The Boss says, "All we're doing is quietly losing share-holder value." CEO says, "I knew it would feel like success if we kept at it!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #cyber attack, #government secret, #advancement, #app

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm loaning you to the government to help stop the worst cyber attack our country has seen. Dilbert: I wrote an app for that. Okay... done. Are we good? G-Man: It's a gray area. I might need to kill you and steal the app.

Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #identity, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #manhunt, #technology, #money, #ruse, #trick, #greed, #betrayal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The government threatened to kill me if I don't sell them my anti-hacker app. Dogbert: You should change your identity, give me everything you own, and move to an undisclosed location. Dilbert: Will we have a secret way to stay in contact? Dogbert: You're becoming a burden.