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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #servers down, #holdup, #iterated by idiot, #guard door, #don't see guy

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Boss: The servers are down. Dilbert: I know. Boss: You should do something about it. Dilbert: I'm trying. Boss: What's the holdup? Dilbert: I keep getting interrupted by an unhelpful idiot. Boss: Maybe I can help. I'll guard your doorway and keep that guy away from you. This is boring. And I don't see that guy. Have I managed enough for now? Dilbert: You nailed it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fake press relases, #new green technology, #scientist, #2040 power home, #refrigerator door, #science

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Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #hypocrisy, #open door policy, #suggestions, #not importnat, #extra work

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Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1989's comic on:


Tags #door, #fall, #falling, #rude, #stairs

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Dilbert walks through a door and thinks, "I hate this: somebody is just far enough behind me that it would be awkward to hold the door, but rude to let it swing." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I'll just pick up the pace and act like I don't notice anybody behind me." The door hits the person behind him. The person screams and falls down the stairs. Dilbert thinks, "Doors at the tops of stairs are the worst."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #door, #medical

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There is a knock at the door and Dogbert says, "I'll get it." Dogbert opens the door and sees the Grim Reaper. Dilbert asks, "Who's at the door, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Well, I'm hoping U.P.S. has relaxed its dress code."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #politeness, #door, #late, #sorry

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Dilbert approaches a man holding a door open and thinks, "I wish this guy wouldn't try to be polite and hold the door." Dilbert reaches for the door and thinks, "I'm at that awkward distance where I should lunge forward so he doesn't have to hold the door too long." Dilbert says, "Oh, thank you." The man says as he walks away, "Great, now I'm late." Dilbert says, "I lunged as fast as I could. Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bob, #fridge, #ice cream, #ice age, #guard

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Dilbert: Ice cream. Bob: Sorry. I've been really jumpy ever since the ice age caught me off guard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #large, #side, #portrait, #Family, #voyager, #waiting, #door, #jabba, #date

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "You're saying my blind date is a tad on the large side . . .?" Dogbert replies, "No." Dogbert continues, "I'm saying her family portrait was taken by 'Voyager II.'" Dilbert replies, "Funny." Dilbert walks out of the room saying, "I'd better not keep her waiting at the door." Dogbert says, "Do not anger 'Jabba the Date.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #guard, #teeth, #bullet, #drink, #toilet

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "Remember, one of your duties as dog is to guard the house." Dilbert continues, "That might entail ripping intruders to bits with your teeth . . . Or taking a bullet for me." Dogbert replies, "Boy, all that and I get to drink out of the toilet too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dog, #blowing, #sonic, #obliterator, #escape, #national, #guard, #pursuit, #post office

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. The newscaster says, "Our top story: a dog with glasses was seen blowing up empty mail trucks with some type of 'Sonic Obliterator.'" The reporter continues, "Much of the city is in ruins, as the dog blasted through building to escape police and National Guard pursuit." Dogbert says to Dilbert, "On the plus side, we have a much better shortcut to the post office."