Search Results for "guilty"
Share May 15, 2011's comic on:
Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?
Share December 25, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: Merry Christmas. I got you the gift of absolutely nothing. Nothing to unwrap, nothing to clutter the house, nothing to return, nothing to assemble, and not a single thing to feel guilty about. Dilbert: You totally get me. Dogbert: It was the least I could do.
Share October 08, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Carol, I know it isn't easy balancing your work duties and your family. So I thought it would help if I trash-talk your family. That way you won't feel so guilty when you ignore them to do my busywork. I'll start with your husband. Carol: Don't bother. I got that one covered.
Share July 21, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. The waiter hands Dilbert the check and says, "I've taken the liberty of calculating a twenty-percent tip." The server continues, "It's written on the back next to a picture of a smiling diner . . . A fifteen-percent tip is shown by the picture of a guilty-looking diner." The waiter continues, "Below that is a picture of a diner and his dog with salad forks in their backs . . ."
Share January 24, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands in front of a judge's bench in a courtroom. The judge says, "I find you guilty of stealing millions in an insider trading scheme." The judge says, "Let's see . . . According to my sliding scale of justice, the punishment at your income is . . . Hmm . . ." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm sentenced to be the subject of a Kitty Kelly biography."
Share April 18, 1992's comic on:
Ratbert and Dogbert stand on the sidewalk. Ratbert stomps on a bug and says, "The mighty hunter strikes his wily prey!" Ratbert continues, "The hunter is awash in manly hormones. He has mastered his sport and conquered one of nature's best." Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I used to feel guilty about this until I realized it's a sport."
Share September 01, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert looks out the window and says, "Hey, that's Lisa. I dated her last night!" Dilbert walks outside and says, "Lisa! What are you doing in this neighborhood!" Lisa looks guilty and replies, "Well . . . Actually, I didn't know how to tell you to stop calling me . . ." Lisa continues, ". . . So I came to throw this brick with a note on it through your window." Lisa throws the brick and it crashes through the window. She says, "It seems awkward now . . ." Dilbert reads the note on the brick, ". . . It was like you sucked the oxygen out of the room . . . You remind me of fungus . . ." Dilbert reads, ". . . Continued on brick two." Dilbert ducks as another brick crashes through the window. He says, "That's it! She is OFF my Valentine list!!"
Share February 21, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a conference table wearing handcuffs. Dogbert sits next to him. A lawyer says, "You're accused of stealing a computer. We'll reduce the charge to 'lewd conduct with appliances' if you'll plead guilty." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "That sounds fair. People will understand it's just a plea bargain." Wally enters the office kitchen and asks Dilbert, "Would you like a minute alone with 'Mr. Coffee'?"
Share March 20, 1997's comic on:
Phil the Ruler of Heck tells Tina, "You are guilty of being a technical writer with an unnatural attraction to an engineer." Phil leads Tina into Heck and says, "It's not a major sin, so you only go to Heck. I'm Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light." Phil leads Tina to a desk and says, "Sit down and type, 'I proactively leverage my synergies,' a hundred times." Tina screams, "No-o-o!!!"
Share December 17, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits down with the lawyer and says, "I'm working ona top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me." Dilbert says, "They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed." Dilbert asks, "Can you help?" The lawyer says, "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"