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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Family, #Dilbert, #gun, #pinpong, #balls, #ball, #ptoink, #Games

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert walks up behind him carrying a gun. He says, "I bought a gun that shoots ping-pong balls!" Dogbert shoots a ball at Dilbert and it hits him in the forehead. Dogbert walks away thinking, "I love games that involve the whole family."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1995's comic on:


Tags #how to program, #build gui, #object oriented, #pronounced gooey, #gun object, #blast bug, #hall object

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The Boss sits at a computer and Wally and Dilbert stand behind him. The Boss raises his hands over the keyboard and says, "Okay, just show me how to program so I can help out on your project." Dilbert says, "You're going to build a 'G.U.I.' using object-oriented development tools . . ." Wally adds, "G.U.I. is pronounced 'gooey.'" The Boss says, "I used my gun object to blast the bug object in the hall object!!" Wally says, "Notice how gooey it is."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #wallet, #money, #rich, #return, #owner, #honest, #sam grooper, #ruthless, #criminal, #divorced, #wife, #ruth, #reward, #expected, #slap, #scram, #gun, #morons

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the sidewalk. Dilbert points ahead of them and says, "Look, Dogbert - a wallet." Dilbert bends down, picks up the wallet and says, "It's full of money." Dogbert shouts, "We're rich!!" Dilbert says, "We must return it to its owner." Dogbert shouts, "We're honest!" Dilbert says, "His business card says 'Sam Grouper, ruthless criminal.'" Dilbert says, "Let's hope 'ruthless' means he divorced his wife named Ruth." The criminal answers his door with a gun in his hand. Dilbert says, "Mr. Grouper, we found your wallet. No reward is expected." Sam points the weapon at Dilbert and says, "Hand it over. Give me your wallet too, then slap yourselves around and scram." Dilbert's glasses are bent and his clothes are disheveled. Dogbert holds his hands up and says, "We're morons!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #deputy of common sense, #apply swift justice, #lack of common sense, #chocolate gun, #irony

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Dilbert is working at his computer and Dogbert stands next to him wearing a policeman's hat, belt and holster. He says, 'I appointed myself Deputy of Common Sense." Dogbert waves a revolver pistol and says, "I will apply swift justice to those who exhibit a lack of common sense." Dilbert asks, "So, swift justice for people who aren't too swift." Dogbert says, "And I'm using a chocolate gun for irony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ammunition, #automatic weapons, #bazookas, #citizens, #conversation about guns, #dog, #gun ownership, #no ammunition, #right to own guns, #rocket launchers, #weapons of choice, #charlton heston, #animals

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"What's your position on gun ownership, Dogbert?" "I believe everybody should have the right to own guns." "What about automatic weapons?" "I'm all for them." "Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers, too." "I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice." "However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition." "Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you Goobers with anything more dangerous than string." "What about Charleton Heston?" "I'd keep the string away from him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stupidity, #at eork, #anti stupid gun, #annihilates stupid part, #rest intect, #read directions

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Dilbert: There seems to be more stupidity than usual at work. Garbageman: Borrow my antisyupidius gun. It annihilates the stupid part of a person and leaves the rest intact. Dilbert: Cool Dilbert: I should have read the directions more carefully,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #daring commando raid, #internet provider, #cancel, #phone or email, #service agreement, #stun gun, #overused joke

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Dilbert is dressed in all purple, carrying a rope over his shoulder. He says to Dogbert, "Would you like to join me on a daring commando raid?" Dogbert replies, "Sure." Dilbert says, "Do you want to know why?" Dogbert responds, "Not really." Dilbert, Dogbert, and Bob the Dinosaur all have purple masks on. Dilbert says, "My internet provider won't let me cancel by phone or by e-mail." Dilbert continues, "The service agreement says I have to stage a daring commando raid on their headquarters." Bob asks, "Does this mask make me look fat?" Dogbert zaps Bob with a stun gun and says, "That joke is overused Bob." Bob falls over. Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The stun gun is in good working order." Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should carry the stun gun." Dogbert responds, "Don't worry, I'll do you last."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #time travel, #elbonia, #time, #70 years future, #great grandson, #set thing, #won't work out, #cave, #pool, #monster, #gun

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Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1990's comic on:


Tags #sonic, #obliterator, #buffalo, #buffaloes, #application, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #nanosecond

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Dilbert sits at his desk holding a device that looks like a gun. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "This could be my most important technical achievement yet. I'll call it the 'Sonic Obliterator.' Hmm . . . Catchy." Dilbert explains, "This baby can blast a buffalo into random particles in about half a nanosecond." Dilbert continues, "Of course, it might have limited application around the house." Dogbert says, "At least the buffalos will show us some respect."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cop, #under, #arrest, #killing, #senior, #executive, #ear, #corn, #self-defense

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Dilbert opens the door. A police officer points a gun at him and says, "You're under arrest for killing a senior executive of your company with an ear of corn." As the officer frisks him, beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's head and he cries, "It . . . It was self-defense! HE started the food fight! I had just seasoned my corn . . . It was in my hand . . . It was just a reflex!!" The officer says, "The charge is 'a salt and buttering with intent to kill.'"