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Health Sensor Predictes Death

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Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death

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Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

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Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #robots, #invention, #health, #big business, #corporation, #nanobot

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CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

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Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction

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Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #death & dying, #health insurance

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Dogbert: Here's the first draft of an advance health care directive I wrote for you. Dilbert: "Kill me if I have a headache. Kill me if I'm itchy. Kill me if I complain too much." I might have some edits. Dogbert: There's your complaining again!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags #nose job, #health insurance, #surgery, #cloth over nose, #good deal, #veterinarian, #dog nose, #squirrel

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Asok says, "Our health plan doesn't cover nose jobs, so I used the market system to bargain for a good deal." Asok says, "I learned that a veterinarian is just like a doctor, but cheaper." Asok says, "Do you smell a squirrel?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #dying, #death, #health, #health tracker, #heart rate monitor, #ads, #scare, #fitbit, #smart watch

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Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #employee, #Advice, #health, #wellness, #money, #cost, #work ethic, #fatigue, #Family, #marriage, #support, #insult

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Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #health, #morning, #waking up, #sleepless, #complaining, #manager, #sociopath, #emotions

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Boss: Can you take a call with our Elbonian customers at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Dilbert: Sure. All I need to do is put my health at risk by not getting enough sleep tonight. Of course, I'll hate your guts for making me come to work so early. And I would expect my bad attitude to infect my co-workers and make them less productive, too. My lack of sleep will affect my decision-making, obviously. And I"m working on important projects, so the ripple effect could be catastrophic. So, do you still want me to be here at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Boss: Yes. You don't have to be a sociopath to be a manager, but it helps.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #health insurance

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Boss: The company is trying to reduce expenses, so you need to pay for your own radiation dosimeters. Dilbert: We'll just stare at you until you understand the wrongness of that policy. Boss: Still nothing. One hour later