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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #grabbed by hand, #my sales meeting, #dressed like god, #huge hand, #guy, #thought it would be funny, #hee hee

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The plane is shown being grabbed by a giant hand. A flight crew member announces, "Folks, please stay in your seats. We've been grabbed by a huge hand." The woman next to Dilbert looks terrified. Dilbert says, "I hope this has nothing to do with how I dressed for my sales meeting at the Vatican." Ratbert is watching television at home. A voice from the television says, "But it turned out to be a guy with a huge hand who said he 'thought it would be funny.'" Ratbert laughs, "Hee hee! Huge hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1990's comic on:


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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Maybe since you're full of static electricity, you should say 'it is useless to be a resistor.' Hee-hee-hee." Dogbert's fur is standing up. Dogbert zaps Dilbert with an electric shock. Clouds of smoke rise from Dilbert's head and his clothes are charred. Dogbert says as he walks away, "Nothing annoys the 'Dog of Thunder' quite as much as nerd puns."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #face for wrinkles, #face is killing me, #inject deadly poison, #botox, #dermal fillers, #botchulism

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1990's comic on:


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Bob the Dinosaur asks Dogbert, "What did Dilbert leave you in his will?" Dogbert replies, "He stiffed me." Dogbert holds a device and explains, "All I got is custody of this stupid invention of his . . . I don't even know what it does." Bob says, "I get it . . . He 'stiffed' you . . . Hee-hee!" Dogbert says, "Try to stay with me, Bob."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 1991's comic on:


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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert asks, "What makes you think you can win the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert replies, "It's just a matter of writing good jokes." Dilbert says, "Here's one - - 'Why do women go to the restroom in pairs?'" Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert says, "Because they're stapled to the chicken! Hee-hee!" Dogbert says, "It's been nice knowing you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1993's comic on:


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Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #desparation, #fabric of spce, #fear, #helpless, #meeting forever, #time division, #marketing guy

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Wally: what shall we tell the guy from marketing this time? Dilbert: hee hee Let's see if we can make him feel a sense of helpless desperation and fear. The time -division multiplexer opened a hole in the fabric of space. Wally: we're trapped in this meeting forever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #rat, #mouse, #politically incorrect, #named in rats honor, #scuzzy, #suggestion

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Ratbert: "Why is that thing called a mouse and not a rat?" Ratbert: "At the risk of being labelled, quote, politically correct, unquote, I must object." "I demand to have something named in my honor! Dilbert: "What about the 'scuzzy' interface? Hee hee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #filberts job security, #menacing statements, #one option, #reducing headcount, #works hard, #finish project

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Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #down sizing, #acts like a freind, #misery of people, #bat your head

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Dogbert stands on a desk and tells the Boss, "I hired a new director of Human Resources to handle the downsizing." Dogbert continues, "I needed somebody who acts like a friend but secretly delights in the misery of all people." Catbert stands on a monitor and says to an employee, "We need to talk, Paul. But first I'm going to bat your head around and scratch you." Paul responds, "Hee hee!! That's so cute!"