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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #grabbed by hand, #my sales meeting, #dressed like god, #huge hand, #guy, #thought it would be funny, #hee hee

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The plane is shown being grabbed by a giant hand. A flight crew member announces, "Folks, please stay in your seats. We've been grabbed by a huge hand." The woman next to Dilbert looks terrified. Dilbert says, "I hope this has nothing to do with how I dressed for my sales meeting at the Vatican." Ratbert is watching television at home. A voice from the television says, "But it turned out to be a guy with a huge hand who said he 'thought it would be funny.'" Ratbert laughs, "Hee hee! Huge hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Maybe since you're full of static electricity, you should say 'it is useless to be a resistor.' Hee-hee-hee." Dogbert's fur is standing up. Dogbert zaps Dilbert with an electric shock. Clouds of smoke rise from Dilbert's head and his clothes are charred. Dogbert says as he walks away, "Nothing annoys the 'Dog of Thunder' quite as much as nerd puns."

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Bob the Dinosaur asks Dogbert, "What did Dilbert leave you in his will?" Dogbert replies, "He stiffed me." Dogbert holds a device and explains, "All I got is custody of this stupid invention of his . . . I don't even know what it does." Bob says, "I get it . . . He 'stiffed' you . . . Hee-hee!" Dogbert says, "Try to stay with me, Bob."

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert asks, "What makes you think you can win the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert replies, "It's just a matter of writing good jokes." Dilbert says, "Here's one - - 'Why do women go to the restroom in pairs?'" Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert says, "Because they're stapled to the chicken! Hee-hee!" Dogbert says, "It's been nice knowing you."

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Why is that thing called a mouse and not a rat?" "At the risk of being labelled, quote, politically correct, unquote, I must object." "I demand to have something named in my honor! "What about the 'scuzzy' interface? Hee hee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert stands on a desk and tells the Boss, "I hired a new director of Human Resources to handle the downsizing." Dogbert continues, "I needed somebody who acts like a friend but secretly delights in the misery of all people." Catbert stands on a monitor and says to an employee, "We need to talk, Paul. But first I'm going to bat your head around and scratch you." Paul responds, "Hee hee!! That's so cute!"

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Dogbert stands on a desk and addresses Wally, Dilbert and the Boss. Dogbert says, "I've decided to sell the company for a huge profit. I found some very discriminating buyers." Wally asks Dogbert, "When you say discriminating, you mean . . . ?" Dogbert answers, "They hate people from this country." Wally says to Dilbert, "It's okay. We have laws to protect us." One Elbonian says to the other, "They're lazy, but at least they're funny!" The other laughs, "Hee hee." The Boss looks shocked.

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Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."

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Dogbert sits on a park bench with a woman holding a baby. Dogbert asks, "Why are you hugging that loaf of French bread?" The woman replies, "Hee hee! Yeah, newborn babies do look like loaves of bread." Dogbert says, "But in this case I think your baby IS a loaf of French bread." The woman looks closely at the blanket and says, "That would explain the smell of dough." The woman takes the bread out of the blanket. She says, "Must have been a mix-up at the grocery store." The woman says, "I hope this doesn't mean somebody is sticking little Jimmy in a toaster somewhere." Dogbert replies, "I'm sure he'll pop up." The baby pops out of a shopping bag. The woman says, "Ah, there you are in the grocery bag." The woman says, "I think I bonded with the bread." Dogbert says, "Remind me not to eat hoagies at your house."