Search Results for "heinous crime"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #blindfold, #carbs, #cublicle, #heinous crime, #put new guy, #won't know blind fold, #finance troll

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HECK were out of space boss. we've had a big upswing in people who use cell phone is bathrooms. Dang, Ive got a new guy coming in today, where will I put him? Maybe you could ask your brother,,, HMM... The boss: well, I suppose you could put hum in a cubicle. his crime wasn't that heinous, well, if you blind fold him, he won't know he's in a cubicle. so then I find pout its not okay to eat carbs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 1993's comic on:


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Dilbert sits on the couch reading a book and Ratbert sits on the armrest. Ratbert says, "If I don't get some love and support around here, I might turn to a life of heinous crime . . ." Ratbert continues, "Or worse, I could become a certified public accountant . . ." Dilbert says, "Stop it. You're scaring me . . ." Ratbert says, "I'm good with numbers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime

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Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #criminals, #elbonian, #minister of commerce, #leave no eveidence, #connects crime, #bribe him, #kill him

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CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #career criminlas, #jail, #sentences, #don't reduce crime, #commit crimes, #others commit crimes, #statistics

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"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #company resources, #resume, #headhunter, #perfect crime, #got mail

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Alice types at her computer and thinks, "heh-heh.. I'm usig compnay resources to e-mail my resume to a headhunter Alice thinks, "It's the perfect crime." The boss sits at his computer. The boss says, "I've got mail!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2000's comic on:


Tags #fired me yesterday, #leaving previous job, #non buisness, #use of internet, #crime dont pay

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The Boss, looking at a piece of paper, asks Dilbert, "And what's your reason for leaving your previous job?" Dilbert answers, "You fired me yesterday for non-business use of the internet." The Boss says, "Crime doesn't pay." Dilbert says, "Wait until you hear my minimum acceptable salary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #crime, #finding guilty, #jury finding, #proram, #witness protection

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The jury verdict DILBERT: WE FIND THE DEFENDANT GUILTY.... ...OF THIS CRIME AND MAYBE A FEW OTHERS THAT DIDNT COME UP, LASTLY, DO YOU HAVE ANY BROCHURES FRO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #writing code, #doing job, #excellent benefits, #package, #eating sandwhich, #crime pays, #working, #other compnay, #stolen sandwhich

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Wally and Dilbert sit in the breakroom eating lunch with a co-worker. The co-worker says, "I spend all day writing code for another company while it looks like I'm doing my job here." The co-worker pauses from eating a sandwich and says, "Crime pays, and it also has an excellent benefits package." Wally looks at his co-worker and says, "Are you eating my sandwich?" The co-worker answers, "I'm saving mine for dinner."