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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #die from shame, #loss, #throw it, #window repair business, #honest vendor

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THE HONEST VENDOR: Dilbert looks at a new product. The vendor says, "Five minutes after you buy it you'll want to throw it through a window." The vendor says to Dilbert, "We sell these at a loss but we make it up with our window repair business." The plug falls off the product. Dilbert says, "It fell off." The vendor says, "Sometimes the components actually die from shame."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #honest vendor, #not nice to meet, #weird, #spank hamster, #business is over reated, #repeat business

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THE HONEST VENDOR: Dilbert and the vendor reach to shake hands. The vendor says, "It wasn't nice to meet you." Shaking hands with Dilbert, the vendor says, "You didn't buy enough; I'll probably spank my hamster for no reason." The vendor thinks to himself, "Repeat business is over-rated."

Alice Gives Honest Opinion

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Alice Gives Honest Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request

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The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money

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Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #honesty, #viruses, #honest opinions, #causing problems, #medical records, #engineer, #classified as disease, #vaccination, #engineering

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Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #meetings, #honest opinions, #plan, #hold back, #feedback, #monkey eats, #fermented fruit

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Boss: I want your honest opinions on my plan. Don't hold back anything. Asok: Does he mean that? Wally: Why don't you find out? Asok: Yes, I have some feedback. Your plan reminds me of what happens when a monkey eats a fermented fruit. He's all - ooh - ooh - ooh and then he falls out of the tree. ... Is that how he looks when he hears honesty? Wally: Beats me. I've never tried it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #new software vendor, #form realtionship, #take money, #ex wife

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Man: I'm your new software vendor. I'm here to form a relationship with you. That way it will be easy to take half of your money. Dilbert: Does that ever work? Man: It worked for my ex-wife.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #fraternization, #creepy new vendor, #did laundry, #creepy, #made sandwhiches

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Dilbert: Our new vendor is creepy. He's trying to form a relationship with me. Man: I went to your house and did your laundry. You're welcome. Wally: How creepy could it be? Man: I made us sandwiches. You're out of mayo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #creative, #ethical shortcuts, #less honest, #questions, #uncomfortable, #job interview

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Interview Alice: Are you creative? Man: Oh, yes. I'm very creative. Alice: Research tells us that creative people take ethical shortcuts and are generally less honest. Man: Ooh. Alice: Do you take a long time to do things? Man: I don't know the right answer!

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Share January 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #best decison, #conference room, #listed reasons, #review, #thinking, #vendor, #work, #writing

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Man: Why are you picking this vendor? Dilbert: I listed the four reasons. Individually, each reason would not be compelling. But viewed as a whole, this is the best decision. This first reason is weak. Dilbert: And here we go.