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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #been excessed, #yoga move, #rageful comments, #hope for a hug

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "Your position has been excessed, or as I prefer to say..." "I will tear the flesh from your bones!" "Phew! I love that yoga move." "There is like, no hope for a hug, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hope for survival, #nearsighted billionaire, #hunt, #private island, #foraging situation

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug

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The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #team building exercise, #paper dolls, #blindfolded, #cognitive dissonance, #learned something, #cry and hug

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Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and the Boss sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "In this team-building exercise you will make paper dolls while blindfolded." Dogbert continues, "This may seem absurd. But soon, cognitive dissonance will set in and you'll cry and hug and think you learned something." The members of the group, now blindfolded and working with scissors, begin their work. As he is about to cut his hand with the scissors, Dilbert asks, "Are you sure we'll cry and hug?" Dogbert answers, "Actually, hugging is iffy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #check software, #under contract, #documentation, #elbonian language, #wiring easy, #hope to read

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The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #team building exercise, #mile from shore, #swim back, #only hope, #intelligent doplohin, #plaught, #tuna net

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Dilbert thinks as he swims through the water, "Uh-oh . . . I'm a mile from shore and too exhausted to swim back." Dilbert thinks, "My only hope is that an intelligent dolphin will see my plight and rescue me." Dilbert sees a dolphin and thinks, "I'm in luck!" The dolphin says, "Two words: tuna . . . net."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #company training, #hope to learn, #bad toupee, #dead animal, #freak of nature, #general

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The caption says, "Company Training." The instructor stands at the front of the room and says, "Let's go around the room and we'll each say what we hope to learn." Alice, Wally and several other people sit in the audience. Alice says, "I hope to learn whether that thing on your head is a bad toupee, a dead animal, or a hideous freak of nature." The instructor pauses before writing on the easel and asks, "Can I call that 'general'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #presumed dead, #like to work, #finished three projects, #lost five pounds, #gave up coffee, #seven patents, #everyone prodcutive, #life without mangement, #paradise, #spoon hug

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Wally and Dilbert are wearing casual clothes. Dilbert is dancing and Wally sits at his computer. Wally says, "Now that our Boss is presumed dead, I found I like to work." Dilbert says, "I finished three projects today!" Alice leans into the cubicle and says, "I lost five pounds, gave up coffee, and applied for seven patents!" Dilbert says, "Go, Alice!" Wally says, "Life without management is like paradise!" Tina the Tech Writer walks in and says, "Who wants to spoon-hug?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hugger, #first date, #watch snagged, #bra strap

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Dilbert meets his date. His date puts out her arms and says, "Hi, Dilbert! Hi, Dogbert!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh!" Dilbert's date goes in for a hug. Dilbert thinks, "She's a hugger on the first date. I never know where my arms should go." Dilbert hugs his date, his arms going down her shirt and lifting it up to her head. You can see her bra and Dilbert says, "I hope this doesn't seem awkward, but my watch is snagged on your bra strap."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #hideous sycophant, #no hope, #career advancement, #lifestyle choice

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Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."