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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #sit do mothing, #implement, #bold quality initiative, #talented, #energetic coworkers

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle and thinks, "I could sit here doing nothing." Dilbert clenches his fists, looks determined and thinks, "Or I could implement a bold quality initiative with the help of my talented and energetic co-workers." Dilbert thinks, "I crack me up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #save money, #copier ink, #add water, #copies light, #compensate, #darken, #implement, #Dilbert, #creative thinker, #implantation task, #bigger raise, #creative way

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Wally tells the Boss, "I have a great idea to save money." Wally enter the Boss's office and continues, "We can make the photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that make the copies too light?" Wally replies, "Ordinarily, yes. But we can compensate by setting the copier to 'darken.'" Wally says, "You'll need someone to implement this idea . . . Let's see." Wally says, "Hey, how about Dilbert? He isn't doing much work lately." Wally continues, "I'd do it myself but there's no reason to waste a creative thinker on an implementation task." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you still mad that I got a bigger raise than you did?" Wally replies, "No, I found a creative way to deal with it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bad advice, #burrowing in torso, #consultick, #implement

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The Consultick. The Boss: "He'll do more than give us bad advice.." "He'll also make sure we can't implement it without him." The consultick leans over and sticks his hair into The Boss's stomach. The Boss exclaims, "Ha ha! How he's burrowing into my torso, and I've convinced myself it's okay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #six sigma program, #doomed, #same consulatant, #worthless progarms, #totally different name

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"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1999's comic on:


Tags #final report, #big changes, #too cowardly, #change names, #Advice, #behind back

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Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert, Wally, The Boss and Alice are at a meeting. Dogbert presents a report. Dogbert says, "This is my final report." Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm recommending big, big changes..." The Boss reads the report. Dogbert says, "Because I know you're too cowardly to implement them." Wally says, "So...It will be our fault if nothing improves." Dogbert says, "Exactly." The Boss is excitedly reading. The Boss says, "AAAGH!! We can't do all of this!" The Boss says, "Couldn't we just change the names of all our departments?" Dogbert says, "Those imbeciles! How dare they ignore my advice!" Wally says, "You're supposed to say that to us behind our backs later." Dogbert says, "I'm in a hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2006's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #infeasibility, #second opinion

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"Dilbert says my plan won't work. I need a second opinion." "Hypothetically, if I say your plan is terrific, would I end up being the engineer who has to implement it?" "Maybe." "Your plan reeks of infeasibility."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #assignment, #project, #criticism, #annoyed, #ridicule, #stupidity, #unproductive, #inefficient

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The Boss says, "Let's implement cloud computing so I have something to talk about at the executive meeting." Dilbert says, "Tell them we're evaluating it. That way neither of us needs to do any real work." The Boss says, "I like it when you do real work." Dilbert says, "Sorry. I thought you were leading by example."