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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #scan, #document, #ask, #favor, #important, #scanner malfunction, #hope, #empty candy jar, #hopeless

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Dilbert says, "Can you scan this document for me?" Carol says, "Is it important?" Carol says, "If it isn't important, you shouldn't bother me. If it is, the scanner will malfunction." Dilbert says, "Is there no room for hope?" Carol says, "I keep mine in this empty candy jar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #control men, #plan, #exaggerate, #overwork, #overextend, #yell, #important, #panic, #coffee

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Alice says, "I learned to control men by exaggerating the importance of my projects and overextending myself." Alice says, "Our most important customer is coming and I won't be ready on time unless you fetch me some coffee!" Alice says, "In phase two, I make you enjoy it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #internet, #toolbar, #browser, #download, #cubicle, #important

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The Boss says, "Whenever my browswer asks me if I want to install a toolbar, I'm afraid to say no." The Boss says, "Now my browser window is only one inch tall." The Boss says, "If you see anything important on the Internet, could you write it down for me?"

Text Is More Important Than Dilbert

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Text Is More Important Than Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #cell phones, #power, #text, #text messages, #subversion

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Boss: Hold on, I have a text message that is probably more important than you. I will demonstrate my power over you by handling a text message while you sit there, waiting for a pellet of my attention. Stop texting me! Dilbert: Mmm... pellet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #work ethic

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Catbert says, "We're no longer using the term 'work-life balance' because it implies that your life is important." Catbert says, "Now we call it 'work-life integration' so it's easier to make you work when you would prefer being with loved ones." Catbert says, "And I'd like to give a big thanks to those of you who never had a life." Dilbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exhaustion / tiredness, #office workers

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Dilbert: My brain isn't working at its peak efficiency this afternoon. Common sense says I should go home early to avoid making any mistakes that would be bad for the company. Unless... nothing I... do is important. Boss: Sounds like your brain is back to its peak efficiency.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #office workers

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Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #joking

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Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #frustration

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Tina: You offended me when you said Ted did a great job. It implied that I'm important. Dilbert: Are you saying I can offend you by complimenting other people? Tina: Exactly. Dilbert: Wally, you're very rational today. Wally: Thank you!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #hypocrisy

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Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?