Search Results for "important job"
Share August 12, 2012's comic on:
Wally: Here's a list of the twelve elements of great managing. If you do everything on that list, it will make me feel what experts call "engaged." If you fail to do your job properly, I will feel all disengaged and do poor work. This would be a convenient time to give me some praise and recognition. You might also want to encourage my development and tell me my job is important. Remember to care about me as a person and tell me my opinions count. If you do all of that, plus seven more things on the list, you might get some productivity out of me. Boss: Leave my office and drop dead. Wally: Will that help me learn and grow?
Share April 26, 2001's comic on:
The boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I downsized Ted and outsourced his important job functions." The boss continues, "I'd like you to do all of his unimportant job functions." Dilbert asks, "Why do we do unimportant things?" The boss says, "Because we can!"
Share July 10, 2001's comic on:
The Boss comes into Wally's cubicle and says, "From now on I'll be managing by exception." The Boss continues, "If I don't talk to you for months, assume you're doing a good job." The Boss continues talking, saying "...Or that you're project isn't important...Or that I don't remember your name."
Share June 16, 1996's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Dilbert, I've decided to downsize you." The Boss continues, "It's nothing personal, just an economic necessity." Dilbert tugs nervously at his necktie. The Boss says, "I calculated how much your salary was dragging down the value of my stock options." The Boss continues, "Without you, I can afford to go to the movies one additional time per year." The Boss continues, "And let's face it: recreation is important when one has a stressful job." Dilbert waves his arms and says sarcastically, "Hey, why don't you downsize Wally instead. You'll save enough in office supplies to buy popcorn too. Sheesh!" The Boss thinks, "Mmm . . ." Wally asks Dilbert, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "You know that team-building exercise we did last week? It didn't take."
Share June 13, 2007's comic on:
Tags #passion for job, #ceo's visit, #meeting, #condescending, #rented mules, #intimidate, #corproartions, #afford luxury items, #ping pong table, #no raise, #offend, #belitte, #pay dosparity, #slavery
CEO Visit CEO: "It's important that you have a passion for your job." "For example, my passion involves working you like rented mules so I can afford to purchase luxury items." "I bought a ping-pong table with the raise you didn't get."
Share September 14, 2015's comic on:
Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.
Share December 15, 2016's comic on:
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Share February 25, 2017's comic on:
Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.
Share April 24, 2011's comic on:
Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.
Share May 08, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.