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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #seven layers of management, #lead company, #unknowingly, #bad idea, #input to avoid, #ceo, #middle management

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CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #amorphous cloud of gas, #once human, #avoid commitment, #molecules stop binding, #subtle odor, #copier room, #micromanage, #input

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The Boss says, "We can't move forward until you get input from Allen." The Boss says, "And that won't be easy. Allen is an amorphous cloud of gas." The Boss says, "He once was human like us." The Boss says, "Allen was afraid to give his opinion or make a decision." The Boss says, "He put so much effort into avoiding commitment that his molecules stopped binding together." The Boss says, "Now he exists as nothing but a subtle odor near the copier room." Dilbert says, "How can I get his input?" The Boss says, "Don't make me micromanage you." Dilbert says, "Allen? Is that you?" Wally says, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #need input, #worked backward, #due date

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Man: I worked backward from the project due date and calculated that we'll need your input on this date. Dilbert: You have me finishing two weeks before I start. Man: Let's schedule a time to talk about that. Dilbert: Sure. How about two weeks ago?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #conversation, #discussion, #valuable input, #hear alarm

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Boss: When are you meeting with the customer? I'll join you to add my valuable input. Noise: Slurp. Dilbert: Does everyone hear that alarm or is it only in my head? Boss: I can stay all afternoon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #meetings, #topic, #insincere input, #virtulaize, #process, #cloud

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Wally: I remember a time when I had to listen to the topic at hand before adding my insincere input. I think we should virtualize the process and move it to the cloud. Boss: Hey, that's a great idea! Wally: Now it's just all too easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #commercial, #show company cars, #avoid pedestrians, #message, #we care, #sell bloopers, #dick clark

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"Dogbert's Ad Agency" "The commercial will show company cars braking hard to avoid pedestrians." "The message is, 'we care about people we don't even know!'" "Was it dangerous to film this?" "We'll sell the bloopers to Dick Clark." "Thud"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #venture capitalist, #technical expertise, #business stuff, #special, #decotrative, #non equity stock, #common stock, #avoid tension, #partners experince

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Dogbert sits at a conference table with a businessman. Dogbert says, "You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff. Sign here." As the businessman signs the contract Dogbert says, "Since you're the inventor of the technology, you'll get 100% of the special decorative non-equity stock. I'll settle for all the common stock." The businessman says, "I hope we can avoid the tension that some partners experience." Dogbert says angrily, "Give me my pen, you miscreant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1996's comic on:


Tags #need input, #end of day, #drop request here, #perpeytaul ignorance, #touch stuff

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A man enters Wally's cubicle, hands him a document and says, "Wally, I need your input on this by the end of the day." Wally points to a stack of paper and says, "Please drop your request here, in 'Wally's Pile of Perpetual Ignorance.'" The man asks, "Can't I just give it to you?" Wally replies, "I don't like to touch that stuff with my hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #mail order bride, #elbonian, #expectations low, #avoid disappointement, #powder snout, #pig lady

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Wally opens an air mail package. He thinks, "My Elbonian mail-order bride has arrived." Wally unties the package and thinks, "I must keep my expectations low to avoid any disappointment." A pig wearing a dress and a wig stands in the box. She says, "Where's the ladies sty? I desperately need to powder my snout."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #speak about project, #plan, #created input, #arrogant baboon, #slap you, #flashbacks, #honeymoon

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Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Dilbert asked me to speak to you about the project plan you created without his input." Dogbert screams, "It's impossible, you arrogant baboon!!!" Dogbert continues, "Lean over here so I can slap you." The Boss says, "I'm having flashbacks to my honeymoon."