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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #money, #investing, #con, #violence, #lying

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Man says, "I'm thinking of investing in the Dogbert hedge fund." Man says, "Can you explain how it works?" Dogbert says, "It's simple I take your money and then use math to turn it into my money while destroying the overall economy." Man says, "Is that legal?" Dogbert says, "More so than you'd think." Man says, "What's in it for me?" Dogbert says, "My inflated claims will give you false hope." Dogbert says, "That way you won't stress out until after you retire and discover you're penniless." Man says, "But I..." Bonk! Ugh! Man says, "I don't remember the last five minutes." Dogbert says, "I was telling you that my hedge fund will earn you 520% per year."

Financial Advisor Keeps Him Waiting

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Financial Advisor Keeps Him Waiting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #finances, #financial advisor, #investing, #personal finance, #money, #knowledge

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Financial Advisor. Dilbert: You kept me waiting in the lobby for five minutes. So I used that time to learn everything that matters in the field of personal investing. Did you know that you don't know much? Financial Advisor: I did not know that.

Technical Analysis

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Technical Analysis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #investing, #stock market, #stocks

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Lessons in Investing. Boss: You should buy a stock whenever the chart looks like a squirrel sitting on a clown's shoulder. That's called "technical analysis." Asok: I'm not going to do that. Boss: Good. Because it doesn't work if everyone does it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment

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Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market

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Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 1994's comic on:


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The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss says, "We've studied the Japanese model and decided to copy their best practices." Dilbert says, "Long term investing?" The Boss holds up a microphone and yells, "Karaoke!" The Boss stands on the table and sings, "Shaft! Can you dig it?" Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "Thank God we don't have lifetime employment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2008's comic on:


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Dogbert the financial planner "Investing is far too complicated for your tiny brain." "You are a financial troglodytle!!!" "Do I get some advice now?" "No, our first meeting is just to soften you up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #computers, #internet, #investing, #screaming, #panic, #unemployed

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Dilbert says, "I'm not stressed about being out of work because I have my investments. Let's see how they?" GAAAA!!! Dogbert says, "Maybe some warlords are hiring."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #investing, #rudeness, #firing, #downsizing

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Dogbert says, "Your stock fell a penny a share so I bough 51% of the company." Dogbert says, "I'll double my investment just by firing you." Dogbert says, "Thanks for not being totally worthless." Man says, "You're welcome."