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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

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The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

Memorial Service For Ted

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Memorial Service For Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #funerals, #memorial, #cake, #ballons, #tasteful, #mime, #pretend, #invisible box, #hire entertainment, #clueless

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Boss: I need you to organize some sort of memorial thing for Fred. Carol: You mean Ted. Boss: I'm thinking cake and balloons in the break room. Is that tasteful enough? Carol: I could hire a mime to pretend he's in an invisible box.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #design, #evil, #frustration, #product designer, #torture, #hate people, #styrofoam debris, #invisible buttons

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Dogbert: I decided to become a product designer because I hate people. I will fill every package with styrofoam debris and affix hard-to-remove stickers all over the cases. I'll make the buttons invisible by making them black on a black surface. Ha ha ha! Dilbert: I've always wondered how this stuff happens.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1989's comic on:


Tags #invention, #lost, #invisible

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Dilbert sits at his desk with his arms folded. Dogbert approaches and asks, "How's your new 'stealth' cloaking invention coming along?" Dilbert walks away looking angry. Dogbert asks, "Can't find it, huh?" Dilbert replies, "Shaddup."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert lies on a couch and explains to a therapist, ". . . Whenever I'm near a hardware store I feel an invisible force drawing me inside . . ." The psychologist says, "You've been talking about yourself since you got here. We never talk about ME and MY feelings. I hurt too, you know." Dilbert says, "I'm paying $75 an hour . . ." The psychiatrist says, "Good Lord, and you think that makes it okay to be selfish??"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your blind date?" Dilbert replies, "She wore too much makeup . . . And I had to do all the talking." Dogbert says, "Maybe she's a mime." Dilbert says, "That would explain her invisible dog."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a pop psychologist and lecturer." Dogbert continues, "My theory is that you can blame all of your problems on invisible people." Dilbert replies, "That doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me. Talk to Juan and Cindy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He says to the audience, "The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is quite simple." Dogbert continues, "All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy." Dogbert continues, "All you have to do is find them and kill them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My status for the week is that the ongoing dehumanization from my job has caused me to doubt my existence." As he waves his hands in front of Wally's face Dilbert continues, "There is reason to believe I am becoming invisible." The Boss asks Wally, "Do I hear your pager buzzing, Wally?" Wally replies, "I doubt it; I don't keep batteries in it." Dilbert disappears with a "plink."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."