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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #save money, #firings, #consultants, #flossie, #highly technical work, #invitation, #shake hands, #greeting ritual, #brain overload, #raise rates, #over reacts, #dumb woman, #lost, #freak, #new hire

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The Boss comes into Brian's cubicle and says, "I'm sorry, Brian. I have to fire all my consultants to save money." Brian turns to the Boss and asks, "Who will do your highly technical work?" The Boss brings in a woman and says to Brian, "You can transfer all your knowledge to Flossie." Brian holds out his hand to shake hands and says, "Hi." Flossie grips a pencil in her hand and says, "What's with the hand? Do you want to borrow my pencil?" Brian replies, "Um...no. This is an invitation to shake hands. It's a greeting ritual." Flossie grabs her head and shouts, "OUCH!! Brain overload!! It's too much information!!" Flossie puts both hands on either side of her head and repeats, "Purge! Purge! Purge!" Flossie stares at Brian blankly and says calmly, "Where am I?" Brian thinks to himself, "I need to raise my rates."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1989's comic on:


Tags #ball, #rent, #tuxedo

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Dilbert stands in front of the mailbox reading an invitation. Dilbert says, "Great! The engineer's ball is black tie this year." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I will be renting a tuxedo for the ball, and I would like it if you could keep any snide comments to yourself." Dogbert says, "Gosh. Even I wouldn't make fun of a guy who would pay sixty-five bucks to wear borrowed pants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #respectfully decline, #join hallucination, #bah

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I heard that you won't give marketing the information they need." Dilbert replies, "I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Your system works." Dogbert repies, "Next time try shortening it to 'Bah'.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2001's comic on:


Tags #no opinion, #spineless, #Opinion, #unnecessary pain, #cry in public

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Dilbert and a woman are sitting at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "You don't give your opinion on anything. Are you spineless?" Dilbert says, "Maybe you create an environment in which giving an opinion is an invitation to unnecessary pain." The woman exclaims to Dilbert, "Great! You're making me cry in public!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #babbling, #holacracy, #organized, #peoples cubicles, #work ethic, #learn to look busy

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Boss: Now that we're organized as a holacracy, I need to learn how to look busy like the rest of you. Wally: Try walking into people's cubicles without an invitation and babbling about things they don't care about. Boss: I should write this down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant

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Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.