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Dogbert Disposes Bodies

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Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert

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CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #managers & supervisors, #portal, #parallel uiverse, #more prodcutive, #universe, #cops, #alice killed boss

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Asok says, "I created a portal to a parallel universe. My success was possible because Alice killed our boss so we are all more productive." Alice says, "Step aside. The cops have been sniffing around and I need something from the other universe." Alice says, "Look on the bright side, Asok. Some other universe just got a lot more productive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project dew drop, #test report, #explodes, #beta trial, #friendly customers, #killed, #friendly ones, #project ducky

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The Boss: I agreed to ship Project 'Dewdrop' to some customers for beta testing. Dilbert: Didn't you read my test report? Dewdrop explodes when you plug it in. The Boss: we'll limit the beta trial to friendly customers. Dilbert: we killed all the friendly ones with project ducky.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #quality award, #killed by sea turtle, #went snorkeling

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company has decided to compete for the 'Millard Bullrush Quality Award.'" Wally asks, "Bullrush? Isn't he the politician who went snorkeling and got killed by a sea turtle?" The Boss replies, "They're faster than they look." Wally says to Dilbert, "I think we can win this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #engineering work, #shoved down stairs, #killed boss, #forces of darkeness, #posses body

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The caption says, "Performance Review." Alice sits across from Ted's desk. Ted reads a document and says, "Your engineering work was excellent, Alice. But there was the little incident where you . . ." Ted stands, revealing a devil's tail, and screams, "Shoved me down a flight of stairs and killed me, thus inviting the forces of darkness to possess my body!!!" Alice holds up a crucifix and yells, "Back!" Dilbert sees Alice walking out of Ted's office and asks, "How'd it go?" Alice replies, "I swear, this job is all politics."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #quality college, #clown college, #prerequisite, #secretaries day, #angry clown

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The Boss says to his secretary, "Carol, I asked you to enroll me in the Quality College, but the confirmation says Clown College." Carol says, "It's a prerequisite course." Carol thinks, "This is gonna cost me on Secretaries Day." The Boss walks away saying, "I hope it's okay to be an angry clown."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1998's comic on:


Tags #clown, #small head, #random things, #pippy, #artistic integrity, #creating comic, #bitter, #dogbert created

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Dilbert looking at Dogbert's cartoon. Dogbert sitting next to him. Dilbert says, "Your comic strip seems to be nothing but a clown with a small head who says random things." Dogbert responds, "That's Pippy." Dogbert explains, "I'm maintaining my artistic integrity by creating a comic that no one will enjoy." Dilbert says, "The important thing is that YOU enjoy it." Dogbert replies, "The first two were okay, but now I'm just bitter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss can't understand hire, #rodeo clown, #engineer, #smells like hay, #fifty percent, #data network engineer

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A man in a dirty shirt says, to the boss, "Mwa fwa fwa ooh mah fuh." The boss says, "I can't understands a word you say." The boss says, "And your poorly dressed. You must be some sort of technology expert. Or a rodeo clown." The boss introduces dirty guy to Alice. The boss says, "There's a fifty percent chance I hired a data network engineer." Alice says, "I smell hay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss acts bull, #fast, #pointy haired, #rodeo clown, #woo hoo, #taunts boss, #employee, #new hire

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The rodeo clown runs after the boss and says, "wah-wah! Woo-Woo!" The rodeo clown sticks his tongue out and waves his hands around. The boss snorts and charges like a bull, his hair like horns. The rodeo clown pulls himself out of the way using a cubicle wall. Wally and Dilbert watch over the walls of thier cubicle. Dilbert says, "Just as I suspected, the new guy is a rodeo clown." Wally says, "he's fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #anne l. retentive, #anal retentive, #typo killed, #comma, #coma

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Dilbert: Anne, I need you to review my first draft. Anne: TYPO! AAAGH! MY WORLD IS FLYING APART!!! Wally: You killed Anne L. retentive with a typo? Dilbert: No, she's in a a comma.