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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #salutations, #sven, #elbonia, #handshake, #kiss mitten, #greetings, #foreigner

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Wally: This is Sven, our biggest customer from Elbonia. Whoa! No handshake. That's an insult. The first time you meed an Elbonian you kiss his mitten. Elbonian: Seriously? Wally: Oh, we're just getting started.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #felt like kissing, #first date 85%, #kiss good night, #third date, #wearing sweat pants

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Dilbert: "This was our third date, Liz. Tradition demands that you kiss me or give me the 'let's be friends' talk." LIZ: "No, our first date only counted as 85 % because we were wearing our sweat pants." DILBERT: "I'm 15 % short?!!" LIZ: "It's too bad, because I really felt like kissing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 1994's comic on:


Tags #self mangled team, #vital tasks, #staus report, #kiss some butts, #track your time

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #lower opinion, #time bombs, #ruin magic, #kill me, #one kiss, #no tongue

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Dilbert and his date go for a walk, holding hands. She says, "Sooner or later you'll say something that will lower my opinion of you." Dilbert grunts. She says, "Men are like bombs. At any moment you'll say something that will ruin the magic." Dilbert slips and says, "I'm an engineer." She screams, "Aaaaargh! Kill me! Kill me!" He says, "I'll give you one kiss. No tongue."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1999's comic on:


Tags #pierced belly button, #chance of kiss, #dry heaves

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Dilbert walks with a woman down the sidewalk. The woman says, "Would you like to see my pierced bellybutton?" Dilbert says, "Um..." The wowan shows Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Aaah! Aaah! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and looks like he's about to throw up. Dilbert shakes as he walks next to the woman who looks mad. Dilbert thinks, "I still have a chance of a kiss if I keep this to dry heaves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2000's comic on:


Tags #kiss daughter goodnight, #working too hard

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A man is standing in front of the boss. The man says, "You're working me too hard! I want to get home in time to kiss my daughter goodnight!" The man continues, "And I'm not the only one who feels this way." The boss says, "I've seen your daughter and I'm fairly certain you're the only one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #terrific conversationalit, #write code, #while you complain, #embraced, #date, #end of date, #kiss good night, #hug, #mean things, #said

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Dilbert is dropping his date off after a date. She says, "Thanks for taking me to dinner. You're a terrific conversationalist." Noriko and Dilbert embrace as Dilbert says, "With you, it's easy." They are about to kiss when Dilbert continues, "I discovered that I can write code in my head as you complain about your job all night."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews

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"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2005's comic on:


Tags #unpaid overtime, #death, #deny pleasures, #good night kiss, #this thing

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"You know what two things are very similar?" "Unpaid overtime and death. They both deny me the pleasures of being alive." "How about a good night kiss?" "Hey, you found a third thing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #party, #woman, #date, #hold drink, #invent, #shoulder phone, #old man's head, #soup, #bones, #scary, #arm out, #surprised, #run away, #scared, #Dogbert, #trick, #auto-answer, #kiss

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Dilbert says, "It's a shoulder phone shaped like an old man's head. I invented it myself." Phone says, "Let's make soup from her bones, just like the others!" Dilbert says, "I shouldn't have told Dogbert it has auto-answer." Phone says, "Kiss me! Now!"