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Asok Upgrades His Soul

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Asok Upgrades His Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #actions, #beliefs, #empty life, #hilarious, #legacy souls, #social media, #dopamine, #delivery systems, #technology

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Asok: I used to have a traditional soul, but I upgraded it. Now I let the major social media companies control my beliefs and actions through their dopamine delivery systems., Dilbert: That sounds like and empty life. Asok: you old- timers with your legacy souls are hilarious.

Who Wants The Legacy System Job

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Who Wants The Legacy System Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #legacy, #underachiever, #volunteer

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Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!

Add Feature To Legacy System

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Add Feature To Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #legacy, #development, #change, #obstinacy, #engineers, #stalemate

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Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.

Wally's Legacy System Report

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Wally's Legacy System Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #legacy, #laziness, #deception

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Wally: Would you like me to tell you what I accomplished this week with our legacy system? Boss: No, because legacy systems are boring and I like to think about new things. Dilbert: I thought we replaced all of our legacy systems. Wally: Keep your thoughts to yourself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dance, #Dogbert, #employees, #hired, #more creative, #poetry, #souls, #special blend, #spiritually fulfilled, #dog with hat, #business

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Dogbert, who is wearing a wizard's hat, stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I can make your employees more creative and spiritually fulfilled." Dogbert continues, "I use my special blend of poetry and dance to touch their souls." The Boss says, "Okay. You're hired." Dogbert stands on a desk and dances while Alice, Wally and Dilbert watch. Dogbert recites, "There once was a dog with a hat . . . Who got paid to dance like that . . ." Wally says, "Hey! My soul just healed!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #demo of new prodcut, #ceo, #partner is channeling, #angry energy, #thousand dead souls, #more like that

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The boss tells Dilbert and Paul Tergeist: "Put together a demo of our new product. Our CEO wants to see it." Dilbert says to the Boss: "My partner is channeling the angry energy of a thousand dead souls." The boss replies: "Why can't you be more like that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #ethical to clone, #boss, #borrow cloner, #souls abomination, #souls irrelevant

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Dilbert asks The Garbageman, "My boss asked me to clone him. Is that unethical?" The Garbageman replies, "You'll either create a soulless abomination or, if the clone is normal, you will have shown that souls are irrelevant." Dilbert asks, "What if the original is already a soulless abomination?" The Garbageman replies, "You can borrow my cloner. It's in the truck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #office workers, #legacy sytems, #biggest rind, #compost heap, #bacteria

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The boss: How would you like to be in charge of legacy systems? Dilbert: That's like being the biggest rind in the compost heap. The boss: Do it anyways. Dilbert: I surrender to the bacteria.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #valuable, #value, #legacy system, #less valuable, #never appear less valuable, #dress code troll

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Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."