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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #inventions, #computers, #program themsleves, #machine intelligence, #destroy civilization, #plan a, #live unhealthy, #lifestyle, #plan b, #techno terrorism

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Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #hideous sycophant, #no hope, #career advancement, #lifestyle choice

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Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #stay at home father, #love children, #rewarding lifestyle, #unpaid servant, #could iron

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Alice and Bobby are out to dinner. Alice says, "If we married, would you mind being a stay-at-home father?" Bobby responds, "I love children. That would be a very rewarding lifestyle." Alice says, "Okay, now imagine that there aren't any kids, and you're basically my unpaid servant." Bobby asks, "Could I iron?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #animal costumes, #big game hunting, #costumes, #furry lifestyle, #go on safari, #take a trip, #like animals

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Boss: Carol, why did you send me a link about people who like to dress in animal costumes? Carol: It's called the Furry Lifestyle. I thought you might want to try it out. Boss: I'll take a look. Dilbert: What's your end game? Carol: If the Furry thing sticks I'll try to get him to go on a safari.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #rich people, #wages, #ceo lifestyle, #yacht, #penthouse, #estate, #priceless art, #million dollar watch

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Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1991's comic on:


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Ratbert sits on a rock writing in his journal. Ratbert writes, "Day one: I have disguised myself as a Chihuahua so I can experience their lifestyle and make a movie." Ratbert writes, "I have already seen the senseless prejudice and brutality against an innocent Chihuahua." Ratbert writes, "This morning I slapped myself with a rolled up newspaper for no apparent reason. It was strangely satisfying."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #insensitive, #Dogbert, #dog bashing, #born this way, #no campassion, #feel bad, #who cares?, #insensitive about insensitivity

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"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #philanthropist, #eat for one day, #opulent life, #super models, #stop giving, #inspire, #try harder

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Dogbert the Philanthropist Dogbert says, "If I give a man a fish, he will eat for one day." Dogbert says, "But if I inspire him by my opulent lifestyle and my squiring of supermodels, he might try harder." Dilbert says, "You can't stop giving." Dogbert says, "It's like a curse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #worried, #nervousness, #humor, #laziness, #occupation

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Dilbert says, "I'm tense because the company is downsizing and I have no project." Wally says, "Being worthless at work is only hard for the first ten years. After that it's a lifestyle." Dilbert says, "I didn't say I was worthless." Wally says, "Now you're making me nostalgic for my old denial phase."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #proposition, #marriage, #ridiculous, #confused, #reading, #explanation

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Alice says, "I crunched the numbers, and it makes sense for us to get married." Alice says, "I can maintain my lifestyle if you live in the closet and your only hobby is cleaning my house when I'm gone." Alice says, "If that doesn't work, I can insure the bejeezus out of you and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "The best?"