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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #military, #weapon demo, #new york harbor, #light show, #statue of liberty, #stump, #newspaper

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Coworker says, "We're planning to introduce our new military product with a light show in New York harbor." Coworker says, "Wally, can you handle the weapon demo and the light show?" Wally says, "Sure. What could go wrong?" One week later Dilbert says, "They're calling it 'The Stump of Liberty.'" Wally says, "No one is saying it was a boring show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #statue of liberty, #destroy, #pr, #responsibility, #clean up, #new york harbor, #light show, #weapon demo, #podium, #speech, #fish food

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CEO says, "The media is on our back because we accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty. We need your P.R. advice." Dogbert says, "Did you take full responsibility and promise to clean up the harbor?" CEO says, "Ooh." Earlier that day CEO says, "Many of you don't know that the Statue of Liberty was very old... and made entirely of fish food."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #statue of liberty, #destroy, #pr, #responsibility, #clean up, #new york harbor, #light show, #weapon demo, #consultant, #cuba, #air force, #sink, #yell, #angry, #private jet, #head

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Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert installs a panel on the wall. He tells Dogbert, "This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it." Dilbert says, "I put a camera in every room to deter any criminal activity." Dilbert says, "We may now go to the park knowing our fortress is protected." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. A man walks by carrying a lamp. The man walks by carrying a couch. The man walks by carrying the cameras. He thinks, "I can't wait to show my kids what I do at work." Dilbert says, "I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen." Dilbert says, "And that is having some of it returned." The thief walks by with the couch. He says, "This thing is hideous in good light."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #failure, #slide, #complicated, #trade show, #vortex of failure

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan is so complicated that failure is assured." Dilbert says, "But complexity is too abstract for you to manage, so instead you will spray me energy into the vortex of failure." Dilbert says, "Go." The Boss says, "I need you to finish it six weeks sooner for a trade show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #work, #happy, #prince of insufficient light, #devil, #giant spoon, #meeting, #photoshop, #upset, #sweat, #grab tie

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Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light Phil says, "You stand accused of being happy at work."<RB>Phil says, "Your penalty is to attend a meeting so horrible that none may speak its name." Photoshop your co-worker's photo onto the torso below. Dilbert says, "No... Please... anything but this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #television, #shows, #options, #action movie, #cooking show, #content

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Dilbert says, "Well, we can watch a cooking show and imagine what delicious food tastes like?" Dilbert says, "Or an action movie so we can imagine killing people while cracking jokes." Dilbert says, "Maybe I can reword those choices to make us feel less like psychopathic hobos." Dogbert says, "Please do."

Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership

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Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #logic, #criticism, #obliviousness, #managers

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Boss: You need to show more leadership on your project. Dilbert: How do you know my leadership is a problem? Maybe the team members are bad followers. Boss: It's your job to fix it either way. Dilbert: The way you just fixed me with your leadership?

Dogbert's Reality Show

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Dogbert's Reality Show - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #television, #reality, #cell phone, #battery, #charging

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Dogbert: I'm creating a reality TV show about ten people locked in a room with one electrical outlet. The central tension will revolve around their daily struggle to charge their phones. Dilbert: Is violence allowed? Dogbert: No, but my producers get a big bonus if it happens anyway.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #administrative agencies

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.