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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #secret code, #little probelms, #technology, #managers, #agreed, #comapny

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Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #mindless task, #intern, #time, #little value, #jump out, #nice way to say

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Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #different, #employees, #goals, #work little, #year ahead, #your goals, #my goals

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Boss: When I asked for your goals for the coming year, I had something different in mind. Not "work as little as possible while avoiding the wrath of the pointy-haired troll." Wally: Don't call them my goals if you mean your goals.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #making faces, #holding ears, #little fort, #friday meetings

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THP-P-P-P-P I can't hear you! LA-LA-LA-HM-HM-LA-LA He's right! It is just like a little fort!! Dilbert: Friday meetings.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #company dress code, #dress like a woman, #high heels, #panty hose, #little ornaments, #male viwers

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Alice is dressed in a shirt, tie and pants. Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm protesting the company's dress code. I refuse to dress like a woman." Alice clenches her fist and continues forcefully, "High heels and pantyhose are designed to make women look like helpless little ornaments for the pleasure of male viewers!" Wally says, "I've never had pleasure viewing you. I swear." Alice says, "Thank you for your support."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #afford, #just mud, #couch shopping network, #manage resources, #sold country, #little jars, #molten lava, #earths core

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #spare cubicles, #convicts, #bigot, #little mistake, #health plan better

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Dogbert stands in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a hard hat and reading some construction plans. Dilbert says, "I don't think it's fair to put convicts in our spare cubicles." Dogbert says, "Don't be such a bigot. These people have made one little mistake. Otherwise, they're just like employees." Dilbert says, "I think there are a few differences!" Dogbert responds, "Yeah, their health plan is better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1995's comic on:


Tags #little stuffed doll, #looks like boss, #emotional lift, #likeness nearby, #smacks doll

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The Boss stands in the door of Dilbert's cubicle. The Boss notices a small doll on Dilbert's monitor and says, "Hey! That little stuffed doll looks just like me!" Dilbert says, "It gives me an emotional lift to have your likeness nearby." The Boss walks away smiling and thinking, "I never realized what he thought of me." Inside his cubicle Dilbert whacks the doll off the monitor and thinks, "Stop dropping in like that!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bring to read, #book of tips, #new computer golf game, #reading book, #computer simulation, #almost sport, #non organic life form, #driving little cart

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Liz and Dilbert are seated beneath a tree reading books. She asks him, "What did you bring to read?" Dilbert responds, "It's a book of tips for my new computer golf game." Liz comments, "So . . . you're reading a book . . . about a computer simulation . . . of an activity that's ALMOST a sport . . ." Liz continues, "That's about as close as you can get to being a non-organic life form." Dilbert says, "This chapter is about driving the little cart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cut corners, #demo ready, #under table, #opretned, #3d interface, #useless demos, #little fuzzy, #electric shaver

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Dilbert stands next to a table covered with a tablecloth. A computer monitor sits on the table. Dilbert says, "We had to cut some corners to get the demo ready this soon." Wally's head pops up into the monitor. Dilbert explains, "Wally is under the table. He'll pretend to be the 3-D interface that we could build if we weren't doing useless demos." The Boss says, "He's a little fuzzy. Can you adjust it?" Dilbert hands him an electric shaver and says, "Try the electric shaver."