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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube

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Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1989's comic on:


Tags #construction, #sign, #road, #engineering

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As he drives his car, Dilbert wonders, "Gee, how could anybody be opposed to building more roads?" Dilbert continues, "Every time I see highway construction . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Some protestor has already put up a sign." Dilbert drives past an "End Construction" sign.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sign, #business case, #web server, #crosses all deaportments, #every director, #evp, #ted griffin, #half eagle, #half lion

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Who needs to sign my business case to buy a web server?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . This crosses all departments. I fear it. Get the approval of every director, every VP, every EVP, plus Griffin." As Dilbert walks away he asks, "Do you mean Ted Griffin in finance or the mythical griffin beast that's half eagle, half lion?" The Boss answers, "Whichever is harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sign on coffee maker, #stupid label guy, #iso 900 requirement, #no exceptions, #label everything

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Dilbert enters the office kitchen where a man is putting a sign on the coffee maker that says, "Coffee maker." Dilbert asks, "Why are you putting a sign on the coffee maker?" The man says, "It's an ISO 9000 requirement. Everything must be clearly labeled. There can be no exceptions." Dilbert says, "That's stupid." The man walks away saying, "Believe me, I don't like it any more than you do." The man's shirt has a label on the back that says, "Stupid label guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #entire pc industry, #graphic metaphors, #microsoft logo, #pronounce differently, #dogbert 2000

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Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #agreement, #grant, #sign, #strategic omissions, #waiver, #proofread, #company, #forcing to sign, #business

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Dilbert sits on the couch with his knees bent. He hands a document to Dogbert and says, "Look at the agreement my company is forcing us to sign. They claim the rights to any idea an employee ever has." Dilbert looks at the document and says, "No problem. Just retype it with a few strategic omissions and sign it. They can't proofread every one." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be dishonest?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe you could just show them some of your ideas and they'd grant a waiver."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #two percent annual, #disppoint, #compensated, #drastic, #low expectations, #good sign, #thinking

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Alice sits at a manager's desk and yells, "A two percent annual raise?!! Wowee!!" Alice continues, "Ha ha! You tried to disappoint me but I compensated by drastically lowering my expectations!" Wally and Dilbert peer in the door and see Alice dancing on a chair and shouting, "Weeee!!" Dilbert says, "Yeah, it MIGHT be a good sign, but I'm thinking not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new company logo, #brown ring, #quality

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The Boss, Alice, Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will help us design a new company logo." Dogbert drinks a cup of coffee. The Boss asks, "When will you start?" Dogbert turns the empty coffee mug upside down on a piece of paper and says, "I just finished. I call it the brown ring of quality."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new logo, #sloppy, #unimaginative, #money to consultants, #little return, #too good, #opinions

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Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"