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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #hired sadits, #thin th herd, #looks slow

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The Boss: I hired a sadist. Dilbert: Why? Th boss: I'll be using you her to thin the heard. Dilbert: Herd? Sadist: That one looks slow. The Boss: That all look like that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #slow walking women, #squeeze, #oblivious, #time stands still

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Dilbert is walking behind a pair of women. He thinks to himself, "Uh-oh.. Slow- walking women." Dilbert looks around them. He thinks, "I can't squeeze around." Dilbert stomps up and down. He thinks, "I'll make footstep noise so they'll notice and move." From behind the women, he says to himself, "It didn't work. They're oblivious slow-walking women!" Dilbert continues thinking, "Time stands still as I wait to take my next step." Alice walks up to Dilbert and says, "Oh no.. It's a pair of oblivious slow-walking women." Alice continues, "I'll throw you over the top. Then you can open the side door so I can go around." Dilbert's feet fly over the women's heads. One says, "Third one today." The other says, "Weird."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dating, #fast date, #technologically, #incompatible, #internet connection, #slow connection, #4g service, #relationships

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Dogbert: That was a fast date. Dilbert: We were technologically incompatible. Her internet connection is slow, and there's no 4G service where she lives. How could I spend my time there? Dogbert: You could just talk. Dilbert: I like to show my sources.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #free software, #run slow, #upgrades, #office, #cubicles, #free

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Dogbert: Want some free software? Boss: What's it do? Dogbert: All it does is beg you for upgrades. And if you upgrade, then it begs you to upgrade again and so on. And it makes all of you other software run slow. Boss: And it's free?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #therapist, #looks, #insecurities

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Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. As the therapist takes notes, Dilbert says, ". . . And it seems like I've always been afraid of moths . . ." The psychologist asks, "Could this fear be related to your insecurity about your looks?" Dilbert replies, "I've never been insecure about my looks . . ." Dilbert continues, "Until this moment . . ." The doctor says, "Now we're getting someplace."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #therapist, #looks, #moth, #mother, #disguise, #sweater, #ears

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Therapist: ...so it's clear that your fear of moths derives from you insecurity about your looks. Dilbert: Really? Therapist: I'm sure you're aware that those big floppy ears of yours make your head look like a winged insect in flight. Now, is it possible that your mother was a giant moth in disguise? Dilbert: Well, I lost a sweater once; maybe she ate it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1991's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #drinking, #dependent, #chemicals, #slow, #work, #monday, #thursday

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I quit drinking coffee. I don't like to be dependent on chemicals." Dogbert asks, "How's it feel?" Dilbert replies, "I felt a little slow getting ready for work, but you have to expect that on a Monday." Dogbert says, "It's Thursday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #exercise, #happiness, #Dogbert, #bob, #newsletter, #clueless, #professional, #wrestling, #home, #device, #looks, #brains, #healthy, #read

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Dogbert hands Bob the Dinosaur a publication and says, "Bob, here's a copy of my new newsletter for clueless people." Bob reads, "Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless: 1. Professional wrestling is all faked. 2. Nobody ever lost weight on a home exercise device." Bob looks upset as he continues to read, "3. Looks are more important to happiness than brains. 4. If people don't comment on you new hairdo, they hate it." Dogbert says, "It's not healthy to read them all at once, Bob."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 1992's comic on:


Tags #garbage man, #Dilbert, #looks, #invented, #molecule, #bifurcation, #communicator, #einstein, #thought, #physicist, #john, #stuart, #fleshed, #1964, #calculation, #error

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The garbage man says to Dilbert, "From the looks of your garbage, you've invented some sort of molecule bifurcation communicator." The garbage man continues, "Ah, yes, Einstein thought this type of thing might work. Physicist John Stuart Bell kind of fleshed it out in 1964. But you've really added something . . ." The garbage man points to a scrap of paper and says, "Specifically, you've added this calculation error here."