Search Results for "loser"
Share January 01, 2012's comic on:
Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.
Share April 23, 2004's comic on:
The real estate agent dogcart: if you don't buy the house I showed you someone else will. and every time it appreciates another million dollars you will cry out, "why was I so stupid?! why?! Why?!" And I'll be all, "Loser! LO-O-O - sir!" are you really not allowed to show me more than one house?
Share December 03, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Why do you want to leave your current job? Interviewee: My boss is a pointy-haired loser, but he's smart enough to know when he's being insulted right to his face. I'm looking to improve on that situation. Boss: You came to the right place.
Share May 29, 2008's comic on:
Share October 29, 2008's comic on:
Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."
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Share March 16, 2014's comic on:
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
Share December 14, 2014's comic on:
Wally: What's it like to work hard? I'm curious because the reward for hard work seems to be identical to the reward for pretending to work. It seems as if it would be demotivating to work so hard for no incremental benefit. If I had to pick one word to describe my day, it would be "relaxing." But you took the harder path, and for that, you have my respect. Alice: I don't want the respect of a loser! BAM! Wally: If it makes you feel any better, I don't actually respect hard work.
Share January 20, 2015's comic on:
CEO: The board is getting on me for not having a succession plan. Find me a loser who is so incompetent that the board won't want to fire me. Boss: It's an honor to even be considered! Catbert: I was going to say that!