Search Results for "loves football"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #dairy products, #inventions, #mad scientists, #gay anarchist, #loves football, #string cheese

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I heard that marketing's optogenic device tweaked some of your preferences. Asok: Yup. Now I'm a gay anarchist who loves football and string cheese. Dilbert: Sounds like a big adjustment. Asok: Well, the cheese part came easily.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #carbon dioxide, #exhales endangered species, #fabrications, #harbard, #higgs boson particle, #licorice and flashlight, #national football league, #no bragging rights, #no kids, #training for olympics

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #teamwork football, #carry one day, #commitment to teamwork, #customers, #vacation, #used golf ball, #football

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds up a football and says, "I call it teamwork football." The Boss continues, "Each of you will carry the ball with you for one day to symbolize your commitment to teamwork." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "Who wants to be first?" The Boss turns to Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Not me, I have a meeting with customers today." The Boss turns to Wally. Wally says, "I'm on vacation. I only came in for coffee." The Boss turns to Alice. Alice says, "Not in a trillion years." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe you could keep it in your desk drawer to symbolize our commitment to teamwork." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He looks at the football sticking out of his desk drawer and thinks, "I should have used a golf ball."

Boss Loves Criticism

Thank you for voting.
Boss Loves Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #mentor, #mentee, #protege, #Advice, #competition, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice The Mentor. Alice: One thing I can tell you about our boss is that he loves constructive criticism. Man: I feel as if your advice is intended to make me fail because you see me as a threat to take your job. Alice: And he loves it when you grab him by the hair and yell, "handles!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #astronomy, #billions of planets, #scientists, #version of dilbert, #earth like, #many universes

View Transcript

Transcript

Computer: Scientists say there might be billions of planets like Earth. And we might be one of many universes. Dilbert: I wonder if there's a version of me out there who loves his job. Woman: What has three thumbs and wants a should massage? Dilbert: This guy! Meanwhile, on XPKQ-75

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1990's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks across a field holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "I never realized that being an 'ambush reporter' could be so much fun." Dogbert approaches a football player and asks, "Is it true you used steroids to gain your massive size?" The man says, "No! I swear! I just use this little AM radio. I don't even own a steroid system!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1993's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert hides behind the chair thinking, "There's Dilbert . . . I'll sneak up and hug his leg until he loves me and accepts me in the family." Ratbert jumps on Dilbert as he leaves the house. Ratbert says to Wally, "A rat is clinging to my leg." Wally replies, "I had that problem till I switched to 'Old Spice.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #make less, #janitor, #plunger, #plumber, #rascal, #animal, #alice loves job, #boss, #raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice shows the Boss a document and says angrily, "When you consider the hours I work, I make less per hour than the janitor!" The janitor enters carrying a plunger with a small animal sticking out of it. He says to the Boss, "Look what was blocking the pipes! It took me all morning to plunge the rascal out." Alice and the Boss look surprised. Still looking shocked, Alice says, "I love my job." The Boss says, "I'm giving him a raise."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #autographed by jesus, #footbal, #stitches, #healed, #oink

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert holds a football. A baseball and bat lie on the table. Dilbert says, "You say this football was autographed by Jesus..." Dilbert holds the ball up and says, "But I'm no fool. This isn't a football. It has no stiches." Dogbert says, "They healed." Dilbert says, "Wow!" Dogbert says, "And I think I heard it oink."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1998's comic on:


Tags #filberts mother, #still loves son, #loves unicrons

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert's Mom pours a cup of coffee. Dilbert has a unicorn horn growing out of his forehead. Dilbert says, "At least I can count on my mom to love me, despite my horn." Dilbert's Mom says, "Yes, of course, albeit not as much as before." Dilbert says, "How much less?" Dilbert's mom says, "Don't worry my love of unicorns practically covers the gap."