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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #making faces, #holding ears, #little fort, #friday meetings

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THP-P-P-P-P I can't hear you! LA-LA-LA-HM-HM-LA-LA He's right! It is just like a little fort!! Dilbert: Friday meetings.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #terrorists, #work ethic, #elbonian leftists, #kidnapped, #ransom demands, #three pack tube socks, #carton milk, #six yams, #making life nightmare, #gives in to kidnappers

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Carol says, "Elbonian leftists kidnapped Asok. They have ransom demands." Carol says, "They want a three-pack of tube socks, a carton of milk, and six yams." The Boss says, "Maybe you could buy that stuff on your way home." Carol says, "You're making my life a nightmare! Just keep him!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #prosperity, #cash cow, #cow, #making money, #utter

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Dilbert: Hey, you must be the cash cow I keep hearing about. You must be making cash right now! Cash Cow: It doesn't work every time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #interdisciplinary task force, #source of problem, #xray skull, #decision making process

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm starting an interdisciplinary task force to study our decision-making process." Dilbert responds, "So, you're using a bad decision-making process to decide how to fix our bad decision-making process?" The Boss says, "I don't know how else we could find the source of our problem." Dilbert says, "X-ray your skull?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bad news, #no raises, #making worse, #own reward, #rewarded, #twice as much

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The caption reads, "Bad news." The Boss sits at his desk saying, "We're not giving any raises." The captions reads, "Making it worse." The Boss says, "But we think work is its own reward." The caption reads, "Making it MUCH worse." The Boss says, "Expect to get rewarded about twice as much next year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #abandon startegy, #making good products, #ours strategy mergers, #business spin offs, #random reorgozations, #accelerate, #stock price, #fruitless partnerships

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The Boss reads a document and tells Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "The company announced that we will 'abandon our strategy of making good products . . .'" The Boss continues, "From now on we'll 'pursue a desperate strategy of mergers, business spin-offs, fruitless partnerships and random reorganizations.'" The Boss reads, "And we'll accelerate our program of paying the good employees to leave." Dilbert asks Wally, "Stock price?" Wally looks at his monitor and replies, "Up three points."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #like about work, #making popcorn, #microwave, #pretend tow ork, #body language, #popcorn priviledges

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #making personal calls, #stealing, #fist of death, #eighty cents, #talk to family, #bill for overtime, #being competetive, #office supplies

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Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #making soup, #highly trained engineer, #sea salt, #regular salt, #marhoram, #parmigiano cheese, #eggs, #hot soup

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Dilbert stands with a chef's hat and a cookbook. He thinks, "Making soup is easy for a highly trained engineer." Dilbert looks in the cabinet and thinks, "I don't seem to have any 'coarse sea salt.'" Dilbert shakes his salt shaker and thinks, "I'll just mix regular salt with water." Dilbert continues reading and thinks, "Corn starch...that's basically flour." He leans into the refriderator and thinks, "Marjoram...I think that's French for butter." Dilbert continues reading, "'Five inches of Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese rind.' Uh-oh." Dilbert looks at eggs and says, "Eggs are basically cheese that comes from chickens." Dogbert looks at his slice of steaming hot soup and says, "Is this supposed to be served hot?" Dilbert replies, "You're thinking of gazpacho."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1999's comic on:


Tags #vp, #office, #spy, #lose document, #use tools, #desk, #avoid making decison, #procrastination

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2:19PM The VP Reads a Document. The subject tries to lose the document to avoid making deciosn. 2:21 PM The subject learns to use tools.