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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule

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The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #attend meeting, #mandatory meeting, #meeting mandatory, #approval, #bending rules, #handed out cash

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"Can I talk to you after the mandatory meeting?" "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't give you approval to attend that meeting." "The meeting is mandatory." "Approval is mandatory too." "Okay, whatever." "May I go to the mandatory meeting?" "All requests must be in writing." "It's mandatory!!! Man-duh-tory!!!" "If people start bending the rules, before long, murder will be legal." "That was the finest mandatory meeting I've ever attended! They handed out cash!" "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #overtime, #required, #manage, #meeting, #no linger mandatory, #business

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The boss meets with Asok, Wally and Dilbert. The boss says, "Overtime is no longer mandatory." The boss says, "It's required." Asok growls. The boss thinks, "I manage and I manage, but nothing seems to make them happy."

Four Hour Meeting

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Four Hour Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business

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Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.

Mandatory Safety Meeting

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Mandatory Safety Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #safety, #catch-22, #choosing, #unsafe

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Boss: You have to go to a mandatory safety training class right now. Dilbert: Is it safe for me to miss the deadline you gave me for this assignment? Boss: No, you lose either way. Dilbert: Hmm. Maybe I could work all night from home then drive to work exhausted.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

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Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business

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Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Attend A Meeting In My Place

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Attend A Meeting In My Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #frivolous, #stand-in, #time management, #business

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Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.

Optimal Meeting Density

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Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

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Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #therapy session, #cloud, #having meeting, #tech talk, #couch, #shrink, #avatar, #engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #announcements, #committee decided, #file naming, #month, #year, #day, #space, #temperature, #airport, #hat size, #long meeting, #best work

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Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.