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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #data mining, #uncover sales, #mine data, #messages, #tie and shirt, #messages from god

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Dogbert Consults: The boss is sitting at his desk and Dogbert is on top of his desk. Dogbert says to the boss: "You need to do data mining to uncover hidden sales trends." Dogbert says: "If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God." The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, on the table Dogbert has sheets of paper and shows them to the boss there is also a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "...sales to lefthanded squirrels are up...and God says your tie doesn't go with that shirt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #earth, #creatures, #shot, #god, #speak

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "God spoke to me today. He appointed me ruler of all creatures on earth." Dilbert replies, "God did NOT speak to you." Dogbert says as he walks away, "It was worth a shot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #body, #ground, #flying, #dead, #beautiful, #god, #Dilbert

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Dogbert floats through the air thinking, "Uh-oh. That looks like my body on the ground." Dogbert thinks, "I must be dead. And that light . . . It's beautiful . . . It must be GOD!!" The caption says, "Next: a really big let down." Dilbert shines a flashlight on Dogbert who is sleeping on the chair.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1990's comic on:


Tags #batteries, #death, #Dogbert, #dreams, #god, #himself, #new, #sense of humor, #Dilbert

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Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and shines a flashlight on the chair where Dogbert is sleeping. Dogbert says in his sleep, "I'm coming toward the light . . ." Dogbert continues, "The light . . . It's so pure . . . So perfect . . . It could only be the light of GOD HIMSELF!!" Dilbert says, "No. Just new batteries." Dogbert says, "God has a sense of humor? Of course! It explains everything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #dreamed, #died, #light, #god, #ark, #comment, #incident, #armchair

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Dogbert covers his eyes with his paws and says, "I'm so embarrassed . . . I dreamed I died and saw the light of God . . ." Dogbert says to Dilbert who is wearing a bathrobe and holding a flashlight, "I trust you will just let this incident pass without comment." Dilbert says, "I command you to build an ark . . ." Dogbert growls.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #messages, #smart, #intelligent, #aliens, #stomping, #wheat, #intelligence

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "What do you think of those strange circles found in British wheat fields?" Dilbert replies, "Obviously, messages from highly intelligent aliens." Dogbert asks, "If they're so smart, why do they have to send messages by stomping on wheat?" Dilbert says, "Maybe they underestimated our intelligence." Dogbert says, "Or not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #weather, #report, #cnn, #weatherman, #tummy, #jane, #ted, #messages

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Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. A weather reporter concludes, ". . . And that's the CNN weather report." Ted Turner appears wearing a tank top. He says, "Hey! Don't just sit there watching tv all day! Give me thirty tummy crunches!" Dogbert begins doing stomach crunches. Dogbert thinks, "It's been nothing but mixed messages since Ted married Jane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 1992's comic on:


Tags #god, #language, #report, #Dilbert, #tim, #monkey, #incan, #awful, #write, #lucky, #translate

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Dilbert says to Tim, "Gee, Tim, you look awful." Tim replies, "I've been working for five days without any sleep to finish this report." Tim's clothes are disheveled and he has circles under his eyes. Tim continues, "At first I had a mental block. But on the fourth day I was visited by an Incan monkey god who told me what to write." Dilbert replies, "Wow, lucky break." Tim says, "Now I just have to find somebody who can translate his simple but beautiful language."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #personal digital assistant, #write messages, #state of the rat, #technology, #interoret handwriting

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Ratbert approaches Dilbert's desk and says, "I've come to be your personal digital assistant." Ratbert hands Dilbert a pen and says, "Use the little pen to write messages on my stomach. I'll use state-of-the-rat technology to interpret your handwriting." As Dilbert writes on Ratbert's stomach, Ratbert says, "Weave . . . me . . . a . . . cone . . . yoo . . . cupid . . . bat . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #god of thunder, #thor, #athpirin, #god of velcro, #god of mayonaise, #greek, #roman, #mythology

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Dogbert sits on the hassock humming to himself. A man wearing a Viking helmet approaches Dogbert and says, "Greetings, Dogbert, I am the God of Thunder." Dogbert looks startled and says, "Yip!" The man repeats, "I am Thor!!" Dogbert says, "Take some athpirin." Thor reads a list and says, "We're looking for some new Norse gods to update our image. Your name came up." Thor continues, "It's the same way I got started. I worked my way up from God of Static Cling." Dogbert reads the list and says, "Hmm . . . 'God of Velcro' looks interesting." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock with a towel wrapped around him. Dogbert says, "Don't laugh. I put your name in for God of Mayonnaise."