Search Results for "money invested"
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Character
Saturday September 15,
2012
Tags #celebrities, #wealth, #money manager, #dumb celebrities, #pay close attention, #money invested, #protect money
Transcript
Dogbert: I've decided to become a money manager for dumb celebrities. Celebrities don't pay close attention to where their money is invested, or who is stealing it. Dilbert: So you plan to help them protect their money? Dogbert: That would be one way to play it.
Sunday May 19,
2002
Tags #annually, #emotionally invested, #math trick, #save money, #system, #vendor, #vendor tauntage
Transcript
A vendor addresses a meeting, "If you buy our system it will pay for itself in three years." Dilbert turns to the vendor and asks, "Approximately how much does it cost?" The vendor responds, "It's hard to say. It depends on many factors." Dilbert says, "Fine. Just tell me how much money it will save annually." The vendor replies, "You'll save $10,000 per year." Dilbert says, "Well then, if it pays for itself in three years, it must cost about $30,000" Dilbert continues, "That was a little trick I call "math." Dilbert continues, "Oops. Now I'm not emotionally invested." Asok pats Dilbert on the back and says, "Your vendor tauntage is quite excellent today."
Tuesday January 27,
2015
Takes Money To Make Money
Tags #asking questions, #faith, #idiom, #idioms, #money, #questioning, #sayings
Transcript
Boss: It takes money to make money. Dilbert: Then... where did the first money come from? Boss: God? Dilbert: Don't let him hear doubt in your voice.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?
Saturday February 03,
2018
Money Can't Buy Happiness
Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses
Transcript
Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.
Thursday January 20,
2011
Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview
Transcript
Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"
Thursday July 07,
2011
Tags #office workers, #hard work, #lateral promotion, #new job, #old job, #money involved, #saving it
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to reward you for your hard work by giving you a lateral promotion. I was going to hire from the outside, but I realized I can make you do the new job plus your old one. Dilbert: Is money involved? Boss: Yes! I'm saving a ton of it!
Monday August 22,
2011
Tags #commerce, #new software vendor, #form realtionship, #take money, #ex wife
Transcript
Man: I'm your new software vendor. I'm here to form a relationship with you. That way it will be easy to take half of your money. Dilbert: Does that ever work? Man: It worked for my ex-wife.
Thursday September 01,
2011
Tags #writing, #writing materials, #executive leadership, #money good, #pie chart, #kitten
Transcript
Boss: Can you word that more simply? I need to explain it to the executive leadership. Alice: Money be god. This make more. Oogah! Boss: That was uncalled for? Alice: I can replace the pie chart with a kitten.
Saturday October 01,
2011
Tags #saving & investment, #stock market, #mba, #losing money, #money in gold, #shiny portfolio
Transcript
CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?