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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #brain washed, #hypnosis, #inspire, #lowers of communication, #must work harder, #no good reason, #powers of communication, #better employees

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The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #merger, #extra work, #must be reason, #tax thing

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Catbert, evil director human resources. The Boss: "We need to tell our employees about the merger." CatBert: "They'll read it in the news. Why should we do extra work?" The Boss: "Other companies do it. There must be a reason." Catbert: "Maybe it's a tax thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #service business, #unmotivated sales guy, #slides are blank, #compelling reason, #no commission work, #budget issues

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Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "My computer simulation will determine, once and for all, the real reason dinosaurs became extinct." Dilbert continues, "Wait . . . According to this, it would be almost impossible for ALL dinosaurs to be extinct." Dogbert says, "Then they must just be . . ." Dogbert and Dilbert look at each other and say simultaneously, ". . . Hiding." A voice behind them says, "Yeah? Just try to find us." Another voice says, "Shhhh!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #assignments by priority, #won't waste time, #unimportant stuff, #a priority, #personal life, #must do, #b priorities

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The Boss stands in front of Dilbert who is seated at his desk. The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I ranked all of your assignments by priority so you won't waste time on unimportant stuff." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Everything is an 'A' priority except for 'Personal life.'" Dilbert says, "this helps a lot." The Boss says, "I'm still working on the list of 'Must do' 'B' priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dogbert consulting comapny, #lead project, #bright enough, #bad attitudes, #no apparent reason, #introduce ourselves, #chummy with locals

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The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the 'Dogbert Consulting Company' to lead the project because none of you is bright enough." Dilbert looks angry. The Boss continues, "And you all have bad attitudes for no apparent reason; that's no way to be a leader." Wally asks, "Shall we go around the table and introduce ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "I don't get chummy with the locals."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #reason with idiots, #waving paw

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Dogbert sits behind Dilbert's desk and says, "From now on, I will not try to reason with the idiots I encounter. I will dismiss them by waving my paw and saying 'bah.'" Dilbert says, "Just because someone thinks differently from you doesn't mean he's an idiot, Dogbert." Dogbert waves his paw and says, "Bah."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #strategic alliance, #doomed, #inefficient managemnet, #create competing compnay, #must find, #new company, #strategic allainace

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Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector and points at a skull and crossbones diagram. Dilbert says, "The status of our strategic alliance is 'doomed.'" Dilbert continues while the Boss listens, "Our ponderous and inefficient management style caused their best people to quit and create a competing company." The Boss says, "We must find a way to destroy that new company." Dilbert replies, "I'll see if they're interested in a strategic alliance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new sex symbols, #online personals, #tech prowness, #moonlit walks, #must like to dance, #applicants

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Dilbert sits on the couch using a laptop and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Men who understand technology are the new sex symbols. Your online personals ad should emphasize your technical prowess." Dilbert asks, "How about 'Looking for woman who likes moonlit walks so I'll have more time alone with my computer'?" Dilbert continues, "And 'Must like to dance.' That's so I won't get a flabby, uncoordinated applicant." Dogbert says, "Don't call them 'applicants' on the first date."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 1997's comic on:


Tags #alice, #application, #compliment, #executive review commitee, #must be approved, #compliments are entitlement

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The Boss says, "I put you in for a compliment, Alice." The Boss continues, "It's not automatic. The application must be approved by the executive review committee." Three members of the executive review committee sit at a conference table. A woman says, "I don't think so." A man replies, "We don't want them to think compliments are an entitlement."