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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #lake, #push people, #need a hobby, #pretty one, #flopping around, #lower form, #big one, #weigh

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I'll be down at the lake, pushing people in." Dilbert says, "You need a new hobby, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "It's a SPORT!" Dilbert stands on the lakeshore behind a man holding a fishing pole. Dogbert asks, "Having any luck today?" The man replies, "Yeah, I got me a pretty one. You should have seen it flopping around. Beautiful!" Dogbert says, "Beautiful?? Are you saying there's beauty in causing a lower form of life to suffer?" The man holds a fish and says, "Only if it's a big one." Dogbert asks, "How much do you weigh?" The man replies, "Oh, about 210 pounds, I reckon." Dogbert has pushed the man into the water. Dogbert asks, "Would you mind flopping around some more?" A fish swims near the fisherman and says, "It's beautiful."

Wally's Hobby

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Wally's Hobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #insult, #backhanded compliment, #hobby, #obliviousness, #deception

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Wally: Your strategy looks like a genius way to fight the last war. Boss: Thank you. Wally: No problem. You owe me a compliment. At what point does insulting your boss and getting away with it count as a hobby?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #need input, #worked backward, #due date

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Man: I worked backward from the project due date and calculated that we'll need your input on this date. Dilbert: You have me finishing two weeks before I start. Man: Let's schedule a time to talk about that. Dilbert: Sure. How about two weeks ago?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug

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The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #computer, #deluxe, #state of the art computer, #feel happy, #song, #sing a song, #no need people

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Dilbert: "35 inch monitor, 20 MEGs of RAM, 1.2 gigabytes of hard disk space..." "I feel a song coming on." "People...who don't need people...are the ha-a-a-ppiest people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #hobby geography, #twirling wedgie, #dinosaur

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Dogbert sits at a table signing copies of his book. A customer says, "My hobby is geography. Would you sign my book to each of the continents by name?" Dogbert says to the man, "Are you aware that my book recommends a twirling wedgie for people who ask for too much?" A hand reaches toward the man. Bob the Dinosaur twirls the man over his head as he gives him a wedgie. Bob says, "We find the line moves faster if I do this to the first customer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #need approval, #business case, #wedge, #claim, #feel prodcutive, #when doomed

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Dilbert approaches an office door with paper spilling out of it. Dilbert says to Tom who is trapped in the stack of paper, "I need your approval on my business case, Tom." As he inserts his document into the stack, Dilbert says, "I'll wedge it in here so you can claim you never saw it when I ask about it next week." From underneath the pile Tom says, "Thanks." Dilbert walks away humming and thinking, "The weird part is that I can feel productive even when I'm doomed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #original timeline, #12 months, #pitched in, #exact end date, #cold dark, #cheunk, #coal, #size, #forehead, #need flashlights, #sweaters, #nippy

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The Boss sits at a desk. Dilbert reads a printout and says, "Our original project time line was twelve months . . . But since you pitched in to help . . ." Dilbert continues, "I don't have an exact date, but it's roughly the same time that the sun becomes a cold dark chunk of coal the size of your forehead." The Boss says, "We'll need flashlights." Dilbert says, "And sweaters. It could get nippy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #project status, #yellow light, #twelve seconds, #interface, #manual, #pure fiction, #need to do, #dummies book

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Dilbert, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "The project status is 'yellow light.'" Dilbert continues, "In user tests we found that the product locks up every twelve seconds. The interface is incomprehensible and the manual is pure fiction." Dilbert continues, "I think it's clear what we need to do . . ." The Boss asks, "Ship it and hope somebody writes a 'Dummies' book about it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #biggest offices, #file cabinet, #least need, #living monument, #proprietary documents, #stacks full, #storage psace, #efficiency

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Alice asks the Boss, "Why is it that the people with the least need for storage space have the biggest offices?" Alice stands in the door to the Boss's office and says, "I know! You're using your office as kind of a living monument to inefficiency!" The Boss asks, "Is this because I wouldn't let you get a file cabinet?" Alice asks, "Where would I put it? My cubicle is full of stacks of proprietary documents."