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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #front, #meeting, #block of wood, #cell phone, #network, #cool

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Dogbert says, "Our new product is a useless block of wood." Dogbert says, "When customers complain that it won't make phone calls, we'll blame the network." The Boss says, "Who would want? whoa, this is cool." Dogbert says, "You'd be lucky to have one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #military, #weapon demo, #new york harbor, #light show, #statue of liberty, #stump, #newspaper

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Coworker says, "We're planning to introduce our new military product with a light show in New York harbor." Coworker says, "Wally, can you handle the weapon demo and the light show?" Wally says, "Sure. What could go wrong?" One week later Dilbert says, "They're calling it 'The Stump of Liberty.'" Wally says, "No one is saying it was a boring show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #defective, #kill, #recall, #fix, #overalls, #bleach, #scrubby brush, #shake hands

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The Boss says, "I have a new job for you. Our product is defective and it's killing customers." Dilbert says, "You want me to organize a recall?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Engineer a fix?" The Boss says, "No." The Boss says, "You'll need overalls, several barrels of bleach and some sort of scrubby brush."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #product safety testing, #angry, #rodney, #swear, #ship, #bandage

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The Boss says, "This is Rodney. He's in charge of product safety testing." The Boss says, "Is our new product safe enough to start selling?" Rodney says, "$#%*" The Boss says, "Did that sound like 'ship' to you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #block of wood, #ceo, #salesman, #high forehead, #inneundo, #leader

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Dogbert says, "Your product is nothing but a piece of wood. You need a charismatic pitchman to make gullible consumers buy it." Dogbert says, "Normally that would be your job as CEO. Unfortunately, you remind people of a giant?" CEO says, "Leader?" Dogbert says, "Exactly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #pitchman, #new product, #salesman, #block of wood, #machine, #rays, #reality distortion, #stand on stool, #consumers

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Dogbert the Pitchman Dogbert says, "Fire up the reality distortion field as soon as I'm introduced." Dogbert says, "Our product is nothing but a block of wood, and yet you need three of them." Man says, "I am a creative individual who does as he is told." Man 2 says, "I can't feel my arm!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #product, #blame, #layoffs

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CEO: Our sales for the quarter are zero. Because I might have mentioned on CNBC that we have a better, cheaper model coming soon. So... great job on the new product... and I need to fire half of you so it looks as if I do things. Voice: What is your home address?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #computers & peripherals, #fraternization

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Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology)

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market

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CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!