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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #mindless task, #intern, #time, #little value, #jump out, #nice way to say

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Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #doctors, #employees, #medicines, #nice guys, #paid less, #aggressive jerks, #offer raise, #testosterone injections, #illegal, #dangerous, #unethical, #tiny income

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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #money, #prices, #aggressive jerks, #underpaid nerdling, #give her a raise, #nice employees

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Dilbert: I read that aggressive jerks get paid more than nice employees. Alice: Step aside, underpaid nerdling! Boss: Remind me to give her a raise, and I don't know why.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #wave, #say bah, #its been nice talking, #dog, #man

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"When you ask me questions, I usually wave my hand and say, 'Bah!'" "But from now on, I'll say 'why do you want to know?' And then I'll say, 'Bah!' over your answer." "How often do you hear the phrase 'It's been nice talking to you?'" "Not so much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #complaining, #performance review, #nice leadership, #pile of cake, #lack confidence

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Performance Review Boss: Tina, you lack confidence. Tina: That's because you keep criticizing me! Nice leadership, you perspiring pile of pound cake! Was that better or worse? I can't tell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues, #managers & supervisors, #government nagging, #rid of waste, #motivational paper weight, #nice going, #avoid licking

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The Boss says, "The government is nagging us to get rid of our dangerous radioactive waste." The Boss says, "On a totally different topic, I'm giving each of you a motivational paperweight that says, 'Nice going.'" The Boss says, "Try to avoid licking them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #learn from mistakes, #make alits, #wrong this year, #coincidence, #perfromance reviews, #management legends

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The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #business ethics, #boost morale, #pretending to be intereted, #overkill, #unemployement, #brain, #fallout, #yawn hole

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Boss: I'm here to boost your morale by pretending to be interested in you as a human being. But it's probably overkill since unemployment is around 9% and you're not likely to quit. Dilbert: Still, it's nice to... Boss: That's enough! I don't want my brain to fall out of my yawn hole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1989's comic on:


Tags #lying, #sarcasm, #polite, #momentum

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Dilbert asks Dogbert who is sitting on the bed, "Do you like my new clip-on necktie?" Dogbert replies, "It's very nice. Good colors, nice pattern. Why, with a tie like that, DON'T be surprised if you get an offer to pose for GQ MAGAZINE!" Dilbert says, "I think you crossed that fine line between polite lying and outright sarcasm." Dogbert replies, "The momentum carried me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1989's comic on:


Tags #computer, #Women, #personality

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert says, "There . . . My program proves that pretty women have extremely bad personalities." Dilbert continues, "This is based on the input that pretty women are never nice to me." Dogbert asks, "Why does the screen say 'or you are a geek?'" Dilbert replies, "Darn! I thought I fixed that bug."