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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2010's comic on:


Tags #pinocchio, #nose grows, #long nose, #doctor, #exam, #stethoscope, #lies, #powerpoint, #proboscis, #nose through head, #pain

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Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint proboscis, #medical condition, #nose grows, #long nose, #lie, #pinocchio, #close eyes, #grit teeth, #nose through face, #pain, #sting, #clench fists

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Asok says, "It's a medical conditions called sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis. My nose grows when other people lie." Man says, "I'm very concerned and interested in your condition, and not just because I'm trying to sell you something." Asok says, "Please stop." Asok says, "It might sting when I pull it out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint proboscis, #medical condition, #nose grows, #long nose, #lie, #pinocchio, #garbage man, #Advice, #corporate whistle-blower, #nose through garbage bag

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Asok says, "My nose grows when my co-workers tell lies." Garbage man says, "Does it whistle?" Asok says, "Sometimes, a little bit." Garbage man says, "You're evolving into a corporate whistle-blower." Asok says, "Are you lying?" Garbage man says, "Yeah, I just wanted to see it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stupid, #customers, #pressure builds, #unbearable, #bug head

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Try to get through this meeting without teling our customers how stupid you think they're being. "I'll try." "But sometimes the pressure builds up in my head and it's unbearable." "Tough it out." "Is he okay? "He's fine. Ignore him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #salesman, #suit, #paper bag, #over head, #secret

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The Boss says, "Our best sales guy asked for you to accompany him on a sales call." Dilbert says, "What's the secret of being a good sales person?" Coworker says, "You need to give customers the information they need?" Coworker says, "?Without getting in their faces so often that you become a nuisance." Coworker says, "For example, a customer would get sick of your face much sooner than mine." Coworker says, "So halfway through the sales call, you'll need to put this bag over your head while I close the deal." Man says, "It looks as if I win our bet." Coworker says, "No... wait for it..." Man says, "Whoa. How do you do that?" Coworker says, "It's called sales. Now you owe me a purchase order."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #lawyers & attorneys, #apps, #contact information, #users address books, #data, #office, #desk, #meeting, #store data

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Coworker: Please tell me our apps don't steal contact information from our users' address books. Boss: We upload the data but we don't store it. Coworker: That's like saying I can date your wife if I put a bag over her head. Boss: That could work. Coworker: I don't think I'm getting through to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #accomodate cup, #coffe cup, #head flattened, #job interview, #monkey, #surgically flattened, #starbucks, #barista

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wally: Tell me why I should hire you as my service monkey, Carl. Carl: I worked as a starbucks barista for eight years and my head has been surgically flattened to stabilize your coffee cup. Dilbert: Impressive. Wally: This is nothing, You should see how well he interviews,