Search Results for "obsolete"
Share August 23, 2015's comic on:
Woman: ...and that's what I do for a living. What do you do? Dilbert: I'm building an app that will make your entire industry obsolete. I'm almost done. It looks pretty good. Woman: You're destroying my life! Dilbert: No, I'm only making the app. The app will be destroying your life. Woman: This got awkward, but I'm attracted to smart men, so... would you like to go out this weekend? Dilbert: I don't think that's a good idea. I can't get past your dead-end career.
Share October 25, 2015's comic on:
Doctor: IBM's Watson supercomputer has diagnosed your symptoms. The computer just ordered the meds you need. They will be delivered in an hour by drone. Dilbert: Looks like your job as a doctor is becoming obsolete. Doctor: Ha ha! No. You still need a doctor and a nurse to make the system work. For example, the computer can't read its own screen and speak those words to patients. Dilbert: Actually, it can. Doctor: But the computer doesn't have a nurse. Dilbert: What does the nurse do? Nurse: I stab him if he tries to do more than read the screen.
Share April 01, 2012's comic on:
Tags #public speaking
Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!
Share September 23, 1992's comic on:
A man shows a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "His name is Dilbert. He invented something that would make our entire product line obsolete." The man behind the desk asks, "Do you have a plan?" The employee replies, "Uh . . . I could wax your desk with my hair again." The man says, "It's just crazy enough to work."
Share March 09, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to Wally and Ted, "I'm so mad . . . I just bought a new computer and it's already obsolete." Wally replies, "Don't feel bad. The other engineers won't look down on you just because you're behind the technology curve." Ted says, "Yeah, we will." Wally replies, "Not right in front of him."
Share February 04, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."
Share October 23, 1994's comic on:
"Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "
Share October 29, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert asks a secretary, "Helen, do you have any staples in the supply cabinet?" Helen replies, "No, I only stock the basics: cheap pens with green ink, big jars of glue and ribbons for obsolete printers." Dilbert asks, "Could you order some staples?" Helen says, "You need to give me the order number." Dilbert says, "Okay. Can I see your supply catalog?" Helen replies, "Wally borrowed it." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The phone rings and Helen says, "I'd better get that; it might be personal." Dilbert stands in the doorway and says, "Wally, do you have the . . ." Wally interrupts, "I need your help with this. Pull up a chair." Alice appears and says, "I need both of you to come talk to a vendor that we'll never use." Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "Thanks to teamwork, I almost stapled something today." Dogbert says, "I'm so proud to know you."
Share May 03, 1998's comic on:
The Boss introduces Matt to Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is our newest employee, Matt." In a private fashion, The Boss says, "Would you mind ..." Dilbert finishes his sentence, "Crushing his spirit?" The Boss confirms, "Right." Dilbert shows Matt his cubicle. Dilbert says to Matt, "This little box will be your home for sixty hours a week." Dilbert and Matt enter the cubicle. Dilbert points to a binder and says, "It comes with an obsolete computer and a binder about safety hazards." Dilbert continues, "Your challenge is to look busy until someone gives you a meaningful assignment." Matt inquires, "How long will that take?" As Dilbert exits the cubicle, he comments, "I'm still waiting for mine." Matt proceeds to read the binder in front of his computer. "Safety tip 1: Don't sit near any obsolete computers."