Search Results for "on line class"
Share December 29, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I'm taking an online class to develop my charisma. Dilbert: Let's see a sample. Boss: Do what I say and you can change the world while you die from stress-related health issues! That felt right. Dilbert: You nailed it.
Share July 18, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: This class will make me more efficient. Boss: I don't want you to be more efficient. You're working on a government contract and billing by the hour. Now go bill them for the time you stood here and stared at me like a stuffed deer.
Share October 28, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.
Share November 20, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Share December 28, 2011's comic on:
Boss: Don't let anyone disturb me. I'll be taking an online class to improve my charisma. Carol: While you're doing that, I'll be taking an online class to learn how to ignore your stupid, fake charisma. BRING IT ON! Boss: Okay, this got weird.
Share January 21, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: The pheremone cologne is making women desire me physically but they can't reconcile it mentally. women: NNNO Dilbert: It isn't fair...I'll have to wash the cologne off... dilbert: Right after my aerobics class.
Share September 24, 1994's comic on:
"I filled out the confidential questionnaire about your style of management." "I hope it's useful for that management class you're taking. Only your instructor sees those, right?" "Right." "I think I played that about right." "Ooh, good marks! And it says he trusts me too!"
Share October 17, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.
Share January 26, 1995's comic on:
The Boss sits at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "Maybe we could form a vision statement of our concepts for requirements." Wally says, "Or maybe we can bound our strawman by the mission-critical functions of our quality vector!" As they walk away, Dilbert says to Wally, "You're shameless." Wally responds, "There's a fine line between participation and mockery."
Share May 12, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, Alice and their co-workers, "Today we have a motivational speaker from the 'Discount Speakers Bureau.'" A slouching, unhappy man says, "You should, like, work harder . . . Otherwise you might get fired. Any questions?" Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Would we get bonuses for working harder?" The speaker says, "This must be the slow class."