Search Results for "opening in security"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #offcie, #opening in security, #rat is insulted, #ratbert, #suited career, #gnaw on cord, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert sits across from a desk and says, "Outwardly, yes, I'm a rat. But my bubbly personality and my utter lack of skill make me well-suited for a career in marketing." Ratbert asks, "Would you mind terribly if I gnawed on your phone cord?" The person at the desk says, "We have an opening in lobby security." Ratbert holds the phone cord in his mouth and says, "I'm insulted!"

Homeland Security Risk

Thank you for voting.
 Homeland Security Risk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #homeland security, #awareness, #consciousness, #terrorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Agent: Homeland Security has identified you as a risk of being radicalized online. Dilbert: Is it because I'm a single male, I hate my job, and no one loves me? Agent: We didn't know about that stuff. Now I have to call in a drone strike.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #act nervous, #air travel, #airport security, #guards, #more invasive, #new pat down, #procedures, #situations, #sleeper cell, #terrorits, #tsa, #molestation

View Transcript

Transcript

Airport Security Man says, "Step over here, sleeper cell." Man says, "Our new pat down procedures might be more invasive than you're used to." Man says, "Only terrorists act nervous in these situations." Airport Security

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #surveillance, #security, #employee locator device, #smarthone, #questions, #text to yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #actions & defenses, #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #international data security standards group, #security prcedures, #bed sores

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #operating, #manual, #buying, #flowers, #opening, #doors, #money, #woman, #Women, #dating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #bob, #dawn, #dogberts, #security, #neutralize, #motives, #accident, #dinosaurs, #cult

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Bob and Dawn join Dogbert's cult." Dogbert says to Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs, "You two are in charge of security." Dogbert continues, "Your job is to neutralize anybody who questions my motives." Dawn says, "Actually, we have some questions of our own . . ." Dawn asks, "Or should we just neutralize ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "Make it look like an accident."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #president, #Dilbert, #opening, #supreme court, #old, #wandered, #nominating, #dog, #loyal, #george, #somebody, #message

View Transcript

Transcript

A presidential aide says to the President, "Mister President, there's another opening on the Supreme Court. One of the old guys wandered away." The aide continues, "I recommend nominating a dog this time. They tend to be loyal and everybody likes them." Dilbert hands Dogbert the phone and says, "It's for you . . . George somebody." Dogbert says, "Take a message."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #can-o-matic, #restroom, #stall, #randomly, #fires, #pink, #slip, #backs, #expressions, #security, #cameras

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #security guard, #entire, #mind, #transport, #magic, #wonder, #creativity, #balsa wood, #tastes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches the security guard in the lobby and thinks, "It must be great to be a security guard." Dilbert walks by the security guard and thinks, "You have the entire day to let your mind transport you to magic realms of wonder and creativity." The security guard thinks, "I wonder what balsa wood tastes like."