Search Results for "pattern"
Share October 27, 1997's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I've noticed a distrubing pattern. Your solutions to problems are always the things you try last." Alice says, "With all due respect, are you using your skull to store old rags or what?" The Boss says to Alice as she leaves her office, "It's a good thing you said, 'With all due respect.'" Alice rols her eyes.
Share May 05, 1996's comic on:
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I need to move you one cubicle down." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "That way my people will still be in a square pattern." The Boss explains, "You're in a random pattern now. The symmetry is bad." Dilbert says, "You want me to waste two days of work to move . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have no phone and no network connection for a week . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have to order new business cards and update my cubicle address on dozens of records." Dilbert continues, "And you still won't have a SQUARE because there are FIVE of us." A man stands in the door of Dilbert's cubicle holding a box. He tells Dilbert, "I got downsized. Apparently somebody complained that I formed a pentagon." Dilbert replies, "That can happen."
Share August 28, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert pionts at an overhead projection and says, "Then if you.." A man interrupts and says, "...analyze the data." Dilbert thinks, "It's a hostile takeover of my presentation!" The man steps in front of Dilbert and says, "... you'll see a pattern." Dilbert sits on the couch at home in his robe eating ice cream. Dogbert says, "And you let him do it?" Dilbert says, "He had a laser ponter the size of your head."
Share September 24, 1999's comic on:
Wally stands in front of the boss' desk and says, "The wavy pattern on the carpet is making me dizzy." Wally says, "I'd better go home and sleep it off." Wally says, "I'll be back tomorrow unless all the sleep makes me groggy."
Share April 09, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally, and Alice are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I worked sixty hours last week." Alice replies, "That's nothing. I worked seventy hours." Wally says, "That's nothing..." Wally continues, "Oh, wait... I just recognized the pattern."
Share December 19, 1999's comic on:
Susan is standing in front of the boss who is sittind at his desk. Susan says: "May I get a laptop computer?" The boss answers: "No, but you can order one for me." Dilbert hands a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "May I go to this technical seminar in Hawaii? The boss answers: "No, but you can sign me up for it." Alice shows the boss a calendar and says: "May I take this Friday off so I have a four day weekend?" The boss answers: "No, but you can sit in for me while I take that Friday off." Wally says to the boss:"May I eat this caterpillar?" The boss answers: "Give me that." The boss is sitting at his desk all by himself and thinks: " I hope they never recognize the pattern." while he is chewing the caterpillar.
Share November 02, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We're thinking of moving from a cubicle workplace to an open floor plan. Dilbert: Is that because you did some research that discovered that the open floor plan is the only thing worse than what we have now? Boss: They figured out the pattern. Catbert: I told you we should randomize our evil!
Share November 08, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Are you planning layoffs? Boss: Am I planning layoffs? Dilbert: When you repeat my question it means the next thing you say will be a lie. Go. Boss: I love your stinkin' guts.
Share May 30, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert asks Dogbert who is sitting on the bed, "Do you like my new clip-on necktie?" Dogbert replies, "It's very nice. Good colors, nice pattern. Why, with a tie like that, DON'T be surprised if you get an offer to pose for GQ MAGAZINE!" Dilbert says, "I think you crossed that fine line between polite lying and outright sarcasm." Dogbert replies, "The momentum carried me."
Share August 05, 1989's comic on:
The caption says, "Dilbert demonstrates the art of joke telling." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on chairs across from each other. Dilbert says, ". . . So the first guy orders a beer and a cactus . . ." The caption says, "A good joke teller will seek to establish a pattern." Dilbert continues, ". . . Then the second guy . . . Heh, heh . . . Orders a beer and a cactus . . ." The caption says, "Tomorrow's lesson: timing." Dilbert continues, ". . . So then the seventy-third guy comes in . . ." Dogbert is asleep.