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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #despair, #prices, #social media expert, #fee, #pay scale, #popcorn, #meeting, #hope left body

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Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert

Engineers Built Everything That Matters

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Engineers Built Everything That Matters - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #importance, #marketing, #wages, #pay scale, #modern civilization, #need both, #marketing guy

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The Marketing Guy. Marketing Guy: I don't see why engineers get paid more than marketing professionals. Dilbert: Maybe because engineers designed and built every important part of modern civilization and all you did was misrepresent it. Marketing Guy: My point is that you need both. Dilbert: You really don't.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fear, #terrorists, #viruses, #elbonian kidnappers, #refused ransom pay, #stockholm syndrome, #identifying with captors, #beating up, #contagious

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Asok says, "I thought my Elbonian kidnappers would hold me forever because you refused to pay the ransom." Asok says, "Then the Stockholm effect kicked in. I started identifying with my captors and beating myself." The Boss says, "And they let you go?" Asok says, "Apparently it looked contagious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #couples, #dating, #mobile (cell) phones, #ex boyfreind, #entertainment stabdard, #samrtphone, #smartphone scale, #lying larry

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Woman: I used to compare all men to my ex-boyfriend. Now I compare all men to the entertainment standard of my smartphone. Dilbert: I only scored a two on the smartphone scale, but I was a solid five compared to someone named "lying Larry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert pushes a shopping cart through a grocery store. A clerk says, "Hold it right there, fella!" Dilbert turns around and says, "Uh-oh . . . You must have seen me eat that grape in aisle 'B.'" The clerk responds, "I just want to make sure you pay for it." Dilbert lies on the scale at the cash register. The clerk says, "Looks like 192 pounds. What were you before you came in?" Dilbert replies, "Happy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #concierge, #hotel, #slave, #do naything, #oo much, #donate kidney, #kiss up, #over trained, #give pay

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Concierge: "Welcome to the Metrogarden hotel! How may I make your stay incredible?" "I would be delighted to iron your socks, examine you for suspicious moles or take a second job and give you my pay." Dilbert: "I think they over-trained you." "I'm shaved and preped to donate a kidney."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #low pay, #unpleasant work enviornment, #applicants, #miss old days, #dental plan

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The boos: I can't find any highly trained job applicants who want an unpleasant work environment and low pay. Catbert: I miss the old days where a man would build a skyscraper with his bare hands just to make you stop hitting him with a shovel. The boss: Did they have a dental plan? Catbert: yes. they called it duck!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2004's comic on:


Tags #low pay, #lowest paid, #blame, #no one left, #aliens, #illegal

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Tina: "I just saw a list of everyone's salary." "I thought the glass ceiling was holding me down, but you have the highest pay here." "There's no one left to blame for my low pay except... Ooh, wait... How about illegal aliens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #senior engineer, #lead engineer, #pay is same, #disrespect you, #magic

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The Boss: I'm promoting you from senior engineer to lead engineer. "The pay is the same but people will disrespect you less." Dilbert: "Including you?" The Boss: "It's not magic."